Jokes about City

I asked a city dweller "Do you know where the post office is?" He said, "Yes," and kept right on walking.

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What is the difference between a hippopotamus and a Chihuahua? About 2,200 pounds!

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What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of? A Doberman puncher!

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IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken: Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie'>Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, and Garth Brooks . . .

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Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.

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How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods? Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

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A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.

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Rick's mother couldn't bring herself to tell the little boy that his dog, Paddy, had been run over. When Rick came home from school, she talked of other things for a few minutes, but inevitably was asked: "Where's Paddy?" "Paddy has been killed by an automobile," she told him. "Oh," said the boy, and went whistling out to play. At dinnertime Rick said, "Hey, Mom, Where's Paddy?" "Darling," his mother said; "I told you this afternoon that Paddy had been killed by an automobile." The little boy burst into tears. "When I told you this afternoon," she said, "it didn't seem to bother you." "No," sniffed the boy, "I thought you said Daddy."

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Morton walked into a department store and asked the floor walker to hold his dog for a minute. When he returned the floor walker was kicking the poor little pup. "Why are you kicking that defenseless dog?" Morton asked. "Why shouldn't I?" said the floor walker. "He lifted up his leg like he was going to kick me!"

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Sherwood Forest. Which dear do you want?

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How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb? Define "light bulb".

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What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

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What did the dog do when the panhandler put the bite on him? Bit him, naturally.

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I was on diet for a month and all I lost was 30 days...

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Dad: what did you learn at school today, son? Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow.

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Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

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A man inherited a parrot. At first he thought this was a good thing. But the parrot would do nothing but swear like a sailor. On the first day the man played the parrot soothing music and put its condition down to the stress of moving. On the second day he tried reasoning with it. On the third day he ignored it. Nothing worked, the parrot still let forth a torrent of curse words. On the fourth day he snapped and after a particularly creative insult the man grabbed the parrot and thrust him into the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot continued unabated. Then everything went quiet. The man, worried that he had killed the parrot, took a peek into the freezer. The parrot hopped out and was strangely silent and then said: "I am most terribly sorry, old chap, if I in any way offended you earlier with my choice language. It won't happen again. But, could I just ask......what did the chicken do?"

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What did the dog do when he broke his toe? He called a tow truck.

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Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other? A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.

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A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying. This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out. In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!" "It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"

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Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

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Q: What did King Tut say to the museum? A: I want my mummy!

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What do dogs have that no other animal has? Puppy dogs!

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How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty? The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!

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One day a blonde walks into a car shop. She looks around to see if she can find the perfect car for herself. She finds a beautiful car with fine leather, but as she bends over to feel it she lets out a fart! She looks around to see if anyone noticed, but as she turns she sees the sales guy is behind her so she ask him "How much is this car" He replies back "Miss, If you farted just by touching the leather you're going to shit yourself when hear the price!"

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Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A golden retriever!

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Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, "Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?" "Sure is!" she answered. "Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture."

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Why is a frog luckier than a cat? Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times!

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Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue? A: Because the rice falls through the grill

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Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.

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Q: How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on? A: Yellow in the front, brown in the back!

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