Jokes about Good Advise
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I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast.
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How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
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Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
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Why did the dog's owner think his dog was a great mathematician? When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.
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What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together? Chimney Cricket!
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do: take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you're gonna die."
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Q: What are the four worst words you could hear during a round of golf? A: It's still your turn!
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Yo. I ain’t here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I’ll get back… (Sniff, sniff…) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.
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My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
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How many letters are in the alphabet during the Christmas Season? Only 25...because there's Noel.
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Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.
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What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
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Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Marine said "those are deer tracks. "The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks. "The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks. "The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.
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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober!"
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I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my rain'>brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.
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