Jokes about Grandfather

I was writing a paper on my grandfather... But had to stop because he was moving so much.

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Talking Cat Leo

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket. "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Mini Golf Fun

My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing'>Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Image Faker

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.

More Pictures

                       

The bartender looked up in surprise as the big shaggy dog sauntered into the bar. "I'll have a Scotch and water," said the dog. The bartender placed the drink in front of him and the dog downed it in one gulp. "That'll be $10," said the bartender, hoping to take advantage of the creature. The dog paid it and started to leave. "You know," said the bartender, "we don't see many dogs in this bar." "Yeah," scowled the dog, "and at $10 a drink you won't see any more, either."

More Pictures

                       

Why did the sick eagle get deported? Because he was an illeagle.

More Pictures

                       

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

More Pictures

                       

How do you make a dog go "meow"? Take it out of the freezer and run it through a bandsaw.

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

More Pictures

                       

Contrary to what people say you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes you get so calm you can't move.

More Pictures

                       

Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant."? Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.."

More Pictures

                       

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? Cockerpoodledoo!

More Pictures

                       

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex.

More Pictures

                       

How many seasons are there in a dogs life? Just one, the moulting season!

More Pictures

                       

Last night I walked into a bar - it still hurts...

More Pictures

                       

Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.

More Pictures

                       

Who's bad at baseball but fun at parties? A pitcher filled with margaritas!

More Pictures

                       

"Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" "The ATM machine"

More Pictures

                       

What's a cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!

More Pictures

                       

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.

More Pictures

                       

Every dog has its day, only a dog with a broken tail has a weak-end.

More Pictures

                       

The State Department of Fish and Wildlife for Louisiana is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as "little bells" on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of "pepper spray" in case of an encounter with an alligator. It's also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity and be able to recognize the difference between young alligator and adult alligator droppings. Young'>Young alligator droppings are small, contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper.

More Pictures

                       

Q: Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa? A: Because of all the cheetahs.

More Pictures

                       

My diet plan consists of getting a full body tattoo of some skinny dude.

More Pictures

                       

Why did the Chihuahua bark when it heard a song on the radio? It didn't know the words!

More Pictures

                       

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? "Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!"

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do you catch when you go ice fishing? A: A cold

More Pictures

                       

Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!

More Pictures

                       

Where do Eskimos train their dogs? In the mush room!

More Pictures

                       

What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun? A killer fly'>butterfly!

More Pictures

                       

Odum, an elderly black called before the justice of the peace, was charged with keeping a vicious dog. "That dog bit my girl Bobbie Jo three times," complained the mother. "Did your dog bite little Bobbie Jo?" asked the judge. "No sir," said Odum. "My dog, he never bit any little girl." "Well," said the judge to the mother, "this man says the dog didn't bite your little girl." "I'll go home and bring Bobbie Jo here and show you," said the woman. "Hold on," said the black man. "In the first place the dog is so old he ain' got no teeth and he can't bite. In the second place the dog is blind and couldn't see Bobbie Jo anyhow. In the third place the dog is deaf and can't hear a thing, and in the fourth place he ain't my dog in the first place."

More Pictures

                       

Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color.

More Pictures

                       

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

More Pictures