Jokes about Music

When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going.

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What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice? The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

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What's the most common blood type among drummers? Heroin.

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Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.

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What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A chain saw has a dynamic range.

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Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.

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The farmer's collie had just died. He was bemoaning his loss when a little cocker spaniel walked up to him and said, "I heard your collie is dead. How about giving me a job?" "You!" gasped the farmer. "How could a little fellow like you take the place of my big dog?" "I'll show you." He leaped into the driver's seat of the tractor, operated the machine perfectly, turned off the ignition, trotted over to the stable, and milked three cows. "How's that?" he asked the farmer. "Very good," the farmer said, "but let me see how you shuck corn." "Hold it!" exclaimed the cocker spaniel. "Who ever heard of a dog that could shuck corn"

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Alsation: Where do you go to practice your singing? Chihuahua: The barking lot!

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Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night!

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What was the most vicious and meanest dinosaur of them all? The Chihuahuasaurus Rex!

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There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a dance together. When they went into the bathroom to check their makeup, they found an old hag. "I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?" They all did, and the brunette went first. "I think I am the prettiest girl at school." "That is true. Your wish is granted." And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. "I think I am the richest girl at school." "That is true. Your wish is granted." And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. "I think..." Before she had a chance to finish, the witch said: "You lie!!" And she was sucked into the mirror.

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Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.

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Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

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Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better. "My dad's a fireman" said Billy. "My dad's a marine!" said Johnny. "My dad's invisible." said Brian.

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Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

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Customer: "Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!"

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Which fly makes films? Stephen Speilbug!

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Q: How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A: The remote control slips from his hand.

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Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making! Dad: What is it what are you making? Pupil: Mistakes!

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Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies? A: In his sleevies!

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Q: What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby? A: Ask your parents.

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Why do frogs have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires!

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Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.

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I was married 3 times explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the fucking mushrooms!"

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My favorite element is Helium. I can't speak highly enough of it.

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How did the toad die? He simply croaked!

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? John got dirty. Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a naughty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.

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How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots.

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Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger? I'd rather have him chase the tiger.

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Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load!

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Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol

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What kind of cereal do cats eat? Mice Crispies!

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Why don't they have a concert on the moon? No atmosphere

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What did the dog say after a hard day at work ? Today sure was ruff

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