Jokes about Neighbor

My neighbor came over and knocked on my door at 3 a.m. the other night. Three in the morning, can you believe it? He was lucky I was still up playing my drums.

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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday night? Tell her a joke on Thursday.

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As Barrett drove along a seldom-traveled backroad, a springer spaniel ran out into the path of the car and was killed instantly. Barrett went to a nearby house. A woman was hanging clothes on a line so he explained what happened. "It's my husband's dog," said the woman, "and he loved that dog a lot. Best hunting dog a man ever had, he always said." "Well," said Barrett, "where is your husband? I think I should be the one to tell him about it." "He's back of the house, chopping wood," she replied. "But I don't want you to shock him what with his bad heart and all. So don't tell him it was the dog right off. Tell him it was me."

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Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox?

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I am not home to talk to you, but please don’t be a creep. Just leave your name and number, at the sound of the…

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What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.

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Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!

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(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.

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If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

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Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!

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What's next to England? A question mark.

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Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful boy/girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?

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Why did the arsonist go to the gym? To burn some calories.

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Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater? To hide his flea collar.

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German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: Name? Hans. Surname? Schmidt. Occupation? No, just traveling.

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Q: What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

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On her way home a dumb blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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Middle-aged Begley was bicycling through the park one day when he decided to stop for a few minutes' rest. There were several small boys playing with a puppy nearby. Feeling friendly, Begley walked over to where the boys sat. "Hi, gang! What're you doing to the dog?" he asked. "Whoever tells the biggest lie wins the pup," answered Wally, the ringleader. "I'm surprised at you boys," he said. "When I was young like you, I never told a lie." "Give this guy the dog!" exclaimed Wally.

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Q: What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A: She has more rain'>brain cells in her stomach than her head.

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The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?" " 'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"

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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."

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My friend is so silly that he spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the doorknob!

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What happened to the man who turned into an insect? He just beetled off!

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What do you call a stupid skeleton? Bonehead.

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A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

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Q: What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall? A: Damn

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What is the most religious insect? A mosque-ito!

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Do you know why god created leprosy? He needed someone to lend him a hand!

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Which dog looks like a cat? A police dog in disguise.

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What do Chihuahuas have that no other dogs have? Baby Chihuahuas!

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