Jokes about Physics

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much it is for a beer. The bartender says ; "For you.. No charge!"

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Image Faker

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

More Pictures

                       

My dad is really good at playing hide n' seek! It's been 12 years since we started and I still haven't found him!

More Pictures

                       

Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor. "Why don't you mend the roof?" asked Barton. "I can't today," Pennock replied. "It's pouring rain." "Well, why don't you patch it in dry weather." "It don't leak then!"

More Pictures

                       

On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!

More Pictures

                       

Rabinowitz walked into Gold's Theatrical Agency with a puppy under his arm. "I got here an attraction that'll make you a million dollars. I got a little puppy dog that plays an electric piano and sings My Yid-dishe Mama." "I don't believe it," said Gold. Rabinowitz opened up a suitcase, pulled out a tiny piano, put the puppy at it and the dog began playing and singing. The theatrical agent leaped up and shouted, "My God! We'll clean up a fortune!" Just then the door opened and in walked a big dog, grabbed the puppy by the neck, and ran out with him. "What the hell was that?" asked the agent. "That's the puppy's mother," answered Rabinowitz. "She wants him to be a doctor!

More Pictures

                       

What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!

More Pictures

                       

How do you take a Chihuahua's temperature? With a small thermometer!

More Pictures

                       

A deaf man visited his friend and the dog barked at him like mad. Being unable to hear anything, he said to his friend after they had exchanged greetings, "Your dog didn't sleep well last night." "Why do you say that?" "He looked at me and kept yawning."

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter, he won't come!

More Pictures

                       

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

More Pictures

                       

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

More Pictures

                       

OK, one more time… This is our answering machine… This is the message on our answering machine… Any questions?

More Pictures

                       

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job? A man who is outstanding in his field.

More Pictures

                       

What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat!

More Pictures

                       

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning? Because they're let out in the evening and taken in in the morning!

More Pictures

                       

What kind of dog is very scary on Halloween? A ghouldog!

More Pictures

                       

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

More Pictures

                       

What's a glow worms favorite song? Wake me up before you glow glow!

More Pictures

                       

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about. It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

More Pictures

                       

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color. The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up." The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark." The contractor writes something down on his pad again , then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!" The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here." The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up." The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?" The contractor replies, "Well, if you look across the street, I have four blondes laying sod in your neighbours yard."

More Pictures

                       

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

More Pictures

                       

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.

More Pictures

                       

What lives in gum trees? Stick insects!

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

More Pictures

                       

Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine? A: Knock on the hatch.

More Pictures

                       

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa.

More Pictures

                       

What should you know before you teach your puppy a new trick? You should know more than your puppy!

More Pictures

                       

When should a mouse carry an umbrella? When it's raining cats and dogs!

More Pictures

                       

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

More Pictures