Jokes about Q

Q: How do you sink a polish battleship? A: Put it in water!

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Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.

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Hotchkis wanted to sell his Doberman, so he asked the local pet shop owner to look at the animal. "This is a good dog," said Hotchkis. "It cost me $1,000, but I'll let you have it for only $50." "That's a rather big reduction," said the pet shop owner. "Is there something wrong with it?" "No," said the man. "The fact is it turned on my wife one day and killed her, and now I've got no further use for it"

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Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."

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Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.

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A hungry dog went walking into a grocery store.The grocer tossed a frankfurter to Fido on the floor. He said, "Now doggie, eat it." Said Fido, "I decline, in that sausage is an old sweetheart of mine"

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet? Urine trouble.

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A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2 x 2?" The housewife replies: "Four!". The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time. "The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

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Q: How did a blind man meet his wife? A: On a blind date!

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Q: A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A: Hosea and Hoseb

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What is a grasshopper? An insect on a pogo stick!

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Where do frogs keep their treasure? In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

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A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

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A kleptomaniac goes to see her doctor. She says, "Doctor, my condition has worsened. Is there anything I can take?"

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Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

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Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can’t come to the phone right now. He’s either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

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A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

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What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua? Shorts!

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Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.

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What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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Why married guys are fat: A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to bed. A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to the fridge.

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Somebody asks: "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said "Just a minute..." "Thank you" the man said and hung up.

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What do dogs have that no other animal has? Puppy dogs!

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What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one!

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What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself.

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Q: Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships? A: So the sailors can see their air force!

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What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on his wedding night?"Now I know why you called your company Microsoft"

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Q: Do you know what an Australian kiss is? A: It's like a French kiss, but down under.

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