Jokes about Q

Q: What's the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson? A: An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!

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Why didn't the German shepherd bark when the robber broke into the house? It had laryngitis!

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What do Filipinos call Canada? Upper U.S. Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel? Halfway across he decided he couldn't make it so he swam back.

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Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stool? A: You turn it over!

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What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie? "Well, doggone!"

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Benson had been bitten by a dog, and the wound was taking a long time to heal. Finally he consulted a doctor, who took one look and ordered the dog brought in. The M.D. knew the dog had rabies. Since it was too late to give the patient a serum, the medico felt he had to prepare him for the worst. At that moment, Benson sat down at the doctor's desk and began to write. "Perhaps it won't be so bad," said the physician. "You needn't make out your will right now." "I'm not making out any will," said the man. "I'm just writing out a list of people I'm going to bite."

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Q: What do you call a Sleeping Bull? A: A Bull-Dozer!

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A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

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Jim sees his neighbor out back building a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, hauling in a gas generator and so on. "So, uh, I guess you believe Y2K is a biggie huh?" "Naw", says the neighbor. "Ah's jes' stockin' the bunker now, 'cuz if I did it any other time, people'd think ah's nuts."

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Q: What do you get when you put a bomb and a dinosaur together? A: Dino-mite.

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A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

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What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It's butt!

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Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

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What do you call a witch that goes to the beach? Sandwitch

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Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment? To prepare them for the bill!

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What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street? Five after one.

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It's wonderful the power I've got over dumb animals, boasted Rizzoli to his wife. "You notice wherever we go, dogs - big ones, small ones - no matta how mean, they alia come up and licka my hand." "Maybe," said Mrs. Rizzoli, "if you'd eata with a knife and forka once in a while, they wouldn'ta be so friendly."

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What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!

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Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.

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Alsation: I was thinking of inviting my friend, the beagle, over for breakfast. What do you think I should serve? Chihuahua: That's easy! Beagles and cream cheese go great together!

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Q: Why do men like love at first site? A: It saves them a lot of time.

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My friend is so silly that he spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the doorknob!

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The Albanian planted lightbulbs in his garden. He heard that tulips grew from bulbs.

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A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!". So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff." And the blonde says "Well, I did too! But I never would have thought that the man would do it again!"

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I'm not crazy, my reality is just prettier than yours.

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If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple "Thank you" is all I need! Not all this "How did you get in my house?" business'>business!

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How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

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Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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Q: What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A: A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

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There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

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