Jokes about Restroom

Freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door

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What's the definition of a narrow squeak? A thin mouse!

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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

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Two mice met in the early nineteen-sixties, when manned flights in orbit were as yet in the planning stage. After the usual exchange of pleasantries, one said, "But you look worn out, Michael. What's the matter?" Michael shrugged his little shoulders and said, "Life isn't easy for us scientists, you know. I'm in space research, and those experimental flights in rockets, with the weightlessness and the acceleration and the uncertainty of safe return -- Well, it's hard on one's nerves." "In that case," said his friend, "why don't you quit and take a job in some other line of work?" "That's easy to say," said Michael, "but stop and think - Is a job in cancer research any better?"

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Q: Did you hear about the 4 Pollocks who froze to death in adrive-in movie? They went to see "Closed For the Winter"!

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What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You can step in a poodle!

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Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load!

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A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?

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Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem?

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Chasing a herd of elephants on vines "Really?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"

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Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. "Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said. "What fer?" asked Pyle. "Shorter hours." "Good fer them!" said the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

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“You look life my first wife!” “How many have you had?” “None.”

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People tell me sharing is caring. Good thing I don't care.

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A man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a puppy for my son.' 'Sorry sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do part exchange.'

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What does a Chihuahua wear to play basketball? Small basketball shoes!

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What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!

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What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

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A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!" "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about how much I spent on it." "Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to cook it, I read the directions on the back and they said, "PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE," so I had to fly Alaska."

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

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I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive.

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The State Department of Fish and Wildlife for Louisiana is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as "little bells" on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of "pepper spray" in case of an encounter with an alligator. It's also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity and be able to recognize the difference between young alligator and adult alligator droppings. Young'>Young alligator droppings are small, contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper.

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Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

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I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.

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Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

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Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh." "That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

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Where do frogs keep their money? In a river bank!

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What dog loves to take bubble baths? A shampoodle!

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A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 AM start, 2 PM finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start on Monday."

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