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During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."
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Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
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Outraged wife: Couldn't you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this? Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!
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Two Flies Are Sitting On a Piece of Shit. The first fly farts. The other gives him a disgusted look and says, "Come on man! I'm eating here!"
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A blonde woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?" The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"
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Benson and his dog were sitting at a bar. He ordered two martinis. Benson handed one to the dog, who promptly drank it, then ate the glass until only the base and stem remained. Then he left. "That's the craziest thing I've ever seen," said the bartender. "Yeah, he's a dumb dog," said Benson. "The stem is the best part."
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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
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Jerry and Sam were walking home from the bar one evening. Jerry points across the street and says "Look at that dog over there, licking his balls" Sam says "Yeah, I see it" Jerry tells him "I wish I could do that" Sam tells him "Well, give him a bone, and make a fuss of him, and he might let you."
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Q: How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A: The remote control slips from his hand.
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One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did." "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did." "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."
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Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil: How long for the answer sir?
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What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? Britney asked to be hit one more time..
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Did you hear about the idiot who planted Cheerios'>Cheerios in his backyard? He thought they were donut seeds.
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What do you get when you cross a Chihuahua with an English sheepdog? Small wool sweaters!
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A blonde was filling out a job application form. She quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc. Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected. She wrote, "YES."
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Hello… Yes, I’d like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas please, with extra cheese… Oh, did I get the wrong number? Sorry about that. (Click.)
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Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
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Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
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A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite. do you?!"
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