Jokes about Sex Q

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!

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I asked a city dweller "Do you know where the post office is?" He said, "Yes," and kept right on walking.

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

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The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

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A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

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How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but his legs are too short! Clerk: Too short? Why, all four of them touch the floor.

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What kind of dog can you best see in the dark? A glowberman pinscher!

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Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox?

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Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them, they are going to invade Iran.

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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep. However, they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy. "Good," shouted the blood soaked bat, "because I didn't!"

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Q: A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A: Hosea and Hoseb

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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

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Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

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We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in? 'I'd love to,' replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!'

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A blonde was walking down the street with her blouse wide open. The police goes over and tell her excuse me do you know your blouse is open. The blonde screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS."

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How can if you have a stupid dog? It chases parked cars!

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Q: What goes 99 click? A: A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.

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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

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Say, your house is burning. "That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one.

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Someone asked a man who had been married for 20 years: "What did you do before you were married sir?" With teary eyes he replied: "Whatever the hell i wanted to do."

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Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.

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How can you tell if a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares...

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Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air.

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The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.

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The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

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