Jokes about Shopping

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter

I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.

More Pictures



Watch funny jokes on Youtube

Funny Products at Kauf.com
Free fun games
Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball

Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stool? A: You turn it over!

More Pictures

                       

I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time.

More Pictures

                       

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

More Pictures

                       

What are 3 two letter words that say small? Is it in.

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mother!

More Pictures

                       

A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger f***ing his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."

More Pictures

                       

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

More Pictures

                       

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

More Pictures

                       

What kind of dog does a vampire prefer? Any kind of bloodhound!

More Pictures

                       

Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

More Pictures

                       

The ATM told me, "Not enough funds in account," when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account.

More Pictures

                       

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, Lie to me!

More Pictures

                       

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

More Pictures

                       

1st Woman: My cat thinks it's a chicken. 2nd Woman: Why don't you take it to the vet? 1st Woman: We need the eggs.

More Pictures

                       

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

More Pictures

                       

Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What is a bus ?A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

More Pictures

                       

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"

More Pictures

                       

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

More Pictures

                       

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.

More Pictures

                       

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

More Pictures

                       

Dick brought Sally to his pad. "What would you like to do?" he asked. "I'd like to see today's newspaper!" she said. "Sure," said Dick. "I'll send my dog for it. He's so smart he'll even bring back the change!" Dick gave the dog ten dollars and sent him for the paper. In an hour, when the dog didn't return, Dick and Sally went out looking for him. They found the animal making it with a French poodle. "Did he ever do this before?" asked Sally. "No," said Dick. "This is the first time he ever had any money."

More Pictures

                       

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

More Pictures

                       

Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

More Pictures

                       

We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in? 'I'd love to,' replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!'

More Pictures

                       

If you can't do what's right you can always do what's left.

More Pictures

                       

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"

More Pictures

                       

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

More Pictures

                       

If it looks like a fish and smells like a fish... Shes's probably too old for you.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

More Pictures