Jokes about Shopping
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I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
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I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
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More funny Jokes:
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I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time.
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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger f***ing his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
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The ATM told me, "Not enough funds in account," when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account.
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Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, Lie to me!
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1st Woman: My cat thinks it's a chicken. 2nd Woman: Why don't you take it to the vet? 1st Woman: We need the eggs.
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Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
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Q: What is a bus ?A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
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A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"
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A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
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A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.
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Dick brought Sally to his pad. "What would you like to do?" he asked. "I'd like to see today's newspaper!" she said. "Sure," said Dick. "I'll send my dog for it. He's so smart he'll even bring back the change!" Dick gave the dog ten dollars and sent him for the paper. In an hour, when the dog didn't return, Dick and Sally went out looking for him. They found the animal making it with a French poodle. "Did he ever do this before?" asked Sally. "No," said Dick. "This is the first time he ever had any money."
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"
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Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!
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We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in? 'I'd love to,' replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!'
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Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"
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Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!
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