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Teacher: "To which family does the elephant belong?" Pupil: "I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"
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Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
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One day, a dog ran out into the street and was killed by a passing car. The woman was in tears that night when her husband came home. His efforts to comfort her were to no avail. Finally, he said, "Darling, stop crying and I'll buy you a new hat." "But," she cried, "if you knew how much I miss him you'd make that a fur coat."
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Dad: what did you learn at school today, son? Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow.
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After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
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Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil: How long for the answer sir?
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A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, "How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?" "Um, just a minute, if you please," he murmured. Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, "Thank you," as the phone went dead.
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As Paula, age five, skipped by, the dog woke up, barked happily, and followed her home. Paula did not know that her newfound friend was a female. She loved the dog so much that her parents could not find it in their hearts to call the A.S.P.C.A. Some weeks later when Paula came home from school, she found that her pet was being followed by every male dog in the neighbourhood. "How do you like that, Daddy!" she exclaimed. "Our dog is a natural-born leader."
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A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
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Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, “Who’s there?”) Isn’t that MY question? (Pause.) Please leave a message…
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Owner is a hard-to-reach person: Yes, I finally got an answering machine. (To Handel's Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please leave a message at the tone.
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A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!" The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
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A ranger outfit was having training in mountain climbing. One of the men slipped and began falling into a precipice. "Are you hurt?" asked another. "I don't know yet," a weak voice was heard, "am still falling!"
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What is the difference between a female blond and a female mosquito? A female mosquito can raise a family when she is done sucking.
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A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another shopper walked up to it and started talking. Didn't I see you on a TV commercial? How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?
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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
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The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
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Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)? A: "'Debbie'. . . that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
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