Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel... What is the oldest daughter's name? You think you know it? Aww… a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!

Hotchkis wanted to sell his Doberman, so he asked the local pet shop owner to look at the animal. "This is a good dog," said Hotchkis. "It cost me $1,000, but I'll let you have it for only $50." "That's a rather big reduction," said the pet shop owner. "Is there something wrong with it?" "No," said the man. "The fact is it turned on my wife one day and killed her, and now I've got no further use for it"

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What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?

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I'm only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds.

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What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair? Lily!

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Did you hear about the Mexican bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundhouse.

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What do you call a frog spy? A croak and dagger agent!

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What do you do with a blue Burmese? Try and cheer it up a bit!

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The kennel owner saw a chance to make a quick sale to the nouveau riche dowager. "Madam," he said, "I have a wonderful buy for you. Look at this magnificent thoroughbred bloodhound." "How do I know it's a,real bloodhound?" she asked doubtfully. "Courtney," said the kennel owner quickly, "bleed for the lady."

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What is small, has a long tail and works with the police? A gerbil shepherd dog!

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What is the difference between a flea and a wolf? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

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A man walked into a psychiatrist's office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. The shrink frowned and said, "I see you need my help!" The guy said, "Yeah Doc. Got a match!?"

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What's a mouse's favorite record? Please cheese me!

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Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

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What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa.

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There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

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The cemetery down the street seems like it's a pretty exclusive club. People are dying to get in...

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Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets!

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What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!

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What did the cat say when he lost all his money? I'm paw!

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What are you drawing? "I just drew a picture of a dog eating bones." "That's interesting, but where are the bones?" "Oh, well, the dog ate all the bones." "And where's the dog?" "You don't expect the dog to stay there after he'd eaten all the bones!"

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And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head. He'd tried to hang himself with a rubber band.

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Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up.

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Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown? A: "Does this taste funny to you?"

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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.

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Sorry to inform you that you have a rain'>brain problem. Your rain'>brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it.

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What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!

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What happens when two cats want the same dish of food? They get into a phsssssst fight!

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Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.

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How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive? Put a nipple on it.

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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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