A woman's shoes say a lot about her feelings believe it or not. For example, if they're behind her ears, she likes you.

I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?

More Pictures

                       

What is the difference between a female blond and a female mosquito? A female mosquito can raise a family when she is done sucking.

More Pictures

                       

Wanna hear a dirty joke? John got dirty. Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a naughty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.

More Pictures

                       

What kind of bull doesn't have horns? A bullfrog!

More Pictures

                       

"What is 5Q + 5Q?" The class responds: "10Q." The teacher responds: "You're welcome"

More Pictures

                       

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night? He used a skeleton key.

More Pictures

                       

Once there were 3 Chinese mothers in a church. They always liked to compete with their sons. First mother: My son is a priest. Whenever people see him they say, "Ohmy priest! "Second mother: Oh yeah, my son is a bishop. Whenever they see him they say, "Oh my bishop!" Third mother: (after thinking a bit) Well my son is a fat, lazy pig and whenever people see my son they say, "Oh my God!"

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a big irish spider? Paddy long legs!

More Pictures

                       

Why don't they have a concert on the moon? No atmosphere

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf? "Decafinated"

More Pictures

                       

Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"

More Pictures

                       

A man inherited a parrot. At first he thought this was a good thing. But the parrot would do nothing but swear like a sailor. On the first day the man played the parrot soothing music and put its condition down to the stress of moving. On the second day he tried reasoning with it. On the third day he ignored it. Nothing worked, the parrot still let forth a torrent of curse words. On the fourth day he snapped and after a particularly creative insult the man grabbed the parrot and thrust him into the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot continued unabated. Then everything went quiet. The man, worried that he had killed the parrot, took a peek into the freezer. The parrot hopped out and was strangely silent and then said: "I am most terribly sorry, old chap, if I in any way offended you earlier with my choice language. It won't happen again. But, could I just ask......what did the chicken do?"

More Pictures

                       

What do you get when you cross a Chihuahua with a brave giraffe? A Chihuahua that is not afraid to stick its neck out!

More Pictures

                       

Mrs. Crandall told the psychiatrist that her husband, George, had a craving for dog food and was raiding their Doberman's supply. She showed him a can of it "This looks harmless," he said, after checking the label. 'Your husband'll get over his love for dog food. Let him eat all he wants." Three weeks later, Mrs. Crandall phoned to say that her spouse was dead. "My God!" exclaimed the psychiatrist. "It wasn't the dog food, was it?" "No, Doctor," she replied sadly. "Poor George was out in the driveway scratching his fleas, and I accidentally backed over him."

More Pictures

                       

Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.

More Pictures

                       

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

More Pictures

                       

Why was the Chihuahua glad it wasn't an eagle? It can't fly!

More Pictures

                       

What happens when two cats want the same dish of food? They get into a phsssssst fight!

More Pictures

                       

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a dance together. When they went into the bathroom to check their makeup, they found an old hag. "I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?" They all did, and the brunette went first. "I think I am the prettiest girl at school." "That is true. Your wish is granted." And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. "I think I am the richest girl at school." "That is true. Your wish is granted." And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. "I think..." Before she had a chance to finish, the witch said: "You lie!!" And she was sucked into the mirror.

More Pictures

                       

Q: How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A: The remote control slips from his hand.

More Pictures

                       

If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.

More Pictures

                       

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.

More Pictures

                       

Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you."

More Pictures

                       

What did the dog do when he broke his toe? He called a tow truck.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow.

More Pictures

                       

What kind of dog is a person's best friend? A palmatian!

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music.

More Pictures

                       

What never comes but always leaves? My dates.

More Pictures

                       

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ..."HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

More Pictures

                       

Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for a grape? He was colour-blind.

More Pictures