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How do you know carrots improve your vision? Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses
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Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
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If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
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Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me. Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.
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A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. He service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said " It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's just frost on my moustache."
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An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing. The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst. The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off. The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just roll down the window!
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A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
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A blonde was walking down the street with her blouse wide open. The police goes over and tell her excuse me do you know your blouse is open. The blonde screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS."
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How do you keep a blonde girl busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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Sister: Why are you putting the saddle on backward ? Brother: How do you know which way I'm going ?
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Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment? To prepare them for the bill!
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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
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What do you get if cross a mouse with a packet of washing up powder? Bubble and squeak!
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What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog? Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!
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