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What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots too.
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Guys socialize by making fun of each other, but they don't mean it. Girls socialize by giving compliments to each other but they don't mean it either.
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A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?" The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"
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A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?
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Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
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I asked a city dweller "Do you know where the post office is?" He said, "Yes," and kept right on walking.
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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!'' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?''
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Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.
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Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But, " she says, "I am rechecking my answers."
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Two dogs were walking along the road. One dog stopped and said: "My name is Fido. What's yours? The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied: "I think it's Down Boy."
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A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
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How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive. A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says "Alright. Who's the other father!"
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Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
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People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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