How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

More Pictures

                       

Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?

More Pictures

                       

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

More Pictures

                       

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

More Pictures

                       

Q: How are women and rocks alike? A: You skip across the flat ones.

More Pictures

                       

Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye? Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes? An Interpreter.

More Pictures

                       

Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.

More Pictures

                       

Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?

More Pictures

                       

There was a kidnapping at my school today... It's okay guys, he woke up.

More Pictures

                       

What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow? Slush puppies!

More Pictures

                       

Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.

More Pictures

                       

An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned. "I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the NCO. "Why did you come back?" "Because there's already somebody there!"

More Pictures

                       

What is the best award a cat can earn? The Purr-litzer prize.

More Pictures

                       

What does the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

More Pictures

                       

She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

More Pictures

                       

Where did the Chihuahua sign its contract for its TV commercials? On the bottom!

More Pictures

                       

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? A: Turn off the carousel.

More Pictures

                       

One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did." "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did." "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."

More Pictures

                       

Why are spiders like tops? They are always spinning!

More Pictures

                       

Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

More Pictures

                       

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

More Pictures

                       

Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.

More Pictures

                       

Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him.

More Pictures

                       

Meeting in Central Park, a huge boxer stopped and wagged his tail in friendly greeting to a Russian wolfhound. "How do you like America?" he asked. "Well, it's different from my homeland," said the wolfhound. "In Russia I eat bones dipped in vodka and caviar. In Russia I have my own doghouse made of rare Siberian wood. In Russia I sleep on a rug made of thick warm ermine." "Then why did you come to America?" "I like to bark once in a while."

More Pictures

                       

Why don't girls have beards? It's in their jeans...

More Pictures

                       

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor..."I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum." "You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

More Pictures

                       

Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once. Got my fingers burnt.

More Pictures

                       

I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time.

More Pictures