While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs. A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?" To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him."

The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

More Pictures

                       

Swedish business'>business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

More Pictures

                       

Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony? A. The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time. Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony? A. The one who can eat the last doughnut.

More Pictures

                       

What did the 0 say to the 8? Hey, nice belt..

The problem with today's children is that today's parents are idiots.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? A: Should we walk home or take a dog?

More Pictures

                       

What insect lives on nothing? A moth, because it eats holes

More Pictures

                       

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing. "Whatya do that fer?" he asked." Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied. The old man asked, "Does that help?" The cowboy said, "No, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

More Pictures

                       

Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.

More Pictures

                       

Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

More Pictures

                       

Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn't stand the draft?

More Pictures

                       

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

More Pictures

                       

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

More Pictures

                       

A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

More Pictures

                       

Why are Albanians given only a half hour for lunch? They don't want to have to retrain them.

More Pictures

                       

What is the dogs favourite city? New Yorkie!

More Pictures

                       

Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common? A: Someone's going to lose their trailer...

More Pictures

                       

What is worse than a dog howling at the moon? Two dogs howling at the moon.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

More Pictures

                       

What did the dog do when he broke his toe? He called a tow truck.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? A: Straight through the rib cage.

More Pictures

                       

In which month do cats meow the least? February - it's the shortest month.

More Pictures

                       

What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm!

More Pictures

                       

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!

More Pictures

                       

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

More Pictures

                       

A man was sprinkling some white powder on his lawn. "Why are you doing that?" asked his neighbour. "It's to keep the elephants off the grass", he replied. "But we don't get elephants round here!" "I know - good stuff isn't it!"

More Pictures

                       

Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

More Pictures

                       

Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, "Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?" "Sure is!" she answered. "Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture."

More Pictures

                       

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal? That hit the spots!

More Pictures