A good book is like a good puppy. Both are easy to pick up but hard to put down.

What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!

More Pictures

                       

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow.

More Pictures

                       

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

More Pictures

                       

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

More Pictures

                       

How do you know if your dog is lost? When it's barking up the wrong tree?

More Pictures

                       

Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. "Hey, what yew got there?" asked a neighbor. "I dunno much 'bout art," replied Melburn, "but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It's one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!"

More Pictures

                       

Why did the Chihuahua ask the bloodhound to take it to a restaurant? Because the bloodhound just found a lot of scents!

More Pictures

                       

Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering.

More Pictures

                       

How come you're only watering half your lawn? a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident. "I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."

More Pictures

                       

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

More Pictures

                       

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? "Dam."

More Pictures

                       

How do cats eat spaghetti? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

More Pictures

                       

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

More Pictures

                       

What's the best sport to learn when you are moving? Boxing

More Pictures

                       

What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet? A thousand dogs.

More Pictures

                       

You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

More Pictures

                       

One woman stops a taxi. To the airport, please. After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today. Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant. Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet neither.

More Pictures

                       

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!" Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."

More Pictures

                       

If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.

More Pictures

                       

What did the dog say to the pig? You are just a bore.

More Pictures

                       

What has four wheels and flies? A rubbish bin!

More Pictures

                       

Which side of a cat has more hair? The outside, of course!

More Pictures

                       

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yells, "Pullover!""No," she yelled back over the sound of the siren, "It's a scarf!"

More Pictures

                       

Did you hear about the missing dalmatian? It's been spotted.

More Pictures

                       

Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? A: A Bloodhound.

More Pictures

                       

People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!

More Pictures

                       

Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.

More Pictures

                       

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.....I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

More Pictures

                       

What do dogs have that no other animal has? Puppy dogs!

More Pictures

                       

Why are there so many female archeologists? Because women love digging up the past.

More Pictures