A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one About 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in Single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is It?" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also." A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first One asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Join the queue."

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

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Q: What’s long, hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? reading'>Proofreading.

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Q: Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force exercise program? A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

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Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

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Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load!

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What do toads drink? Croaka-cola!

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What do you want your husbands gravestone to say? Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."

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Why are dogs such poor dancers? They have two left feet.

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Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow! Was it a Jersey cow? I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!

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Why couldn't the restaurant patron get into his car? He had Gnocchi.

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Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.

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What is a spiders favorite TV show? The newly web game!

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One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. The doctor asked what happened. She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. "They called back."

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Q: What is a bus ?A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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What do you get when you cross a Chihuahua with a brave giraffe? A Chihuahua that is not afraid to stick its neck out!

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What is the difference between a flea and a wolf? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

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What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

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What do you call a loving cat bite? Cat nip!

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How did I escape Iraq? Iran

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A kleptomaniac goes to see her doctor. She says, "Doctor, my condition has worsened. Is there anything I can take?"

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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

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My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

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Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

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One of King Arthur's lesser-known knights was a little man named Sir Punum. Sir Punum was a very poor knight and couldn't even afford a horse. He was forced to ride around on a rented Saint Bernard. One pitch-black night, Sir Punum was riding down a path through the woods when a storm started up. The knight turned his St. Bernard around and headed toward a lonely inn a little way off the road. When he got there he pounded on the door with his spear and asked for shelter. "Do you have a reservation?" asked the innkeeper. "No," replied the poor knight. "Sorry," said the innkeeper, "we're full up." Then he looked down and saw Sir Punum astride his mount. "Oh, well," he reconsidered, "come on in. We'll make room for you somehow. I wouldn't turn out a knight on a dog like this."

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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done...(Cachunk!)

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Thank you for calling 911. All of our operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was received. (Worst Muzak possible.) Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. Or, if your little emergency isn't too serious, leave a message at the tone, and one of our crisis operators will call you back. Have a nice day.

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Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully, the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.

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