A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

Two donkeys were talking about their owners. The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often." Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner? First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey! And, I am just waiting for that to happen.

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Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

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Q: What did dela wear?(Delaware) A: Her New Jersey

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What is a cat's favorite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."

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A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

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What dogs are best for sending telegrams? Wire haired terriers!!

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What do Scottish toads play? Hop-scotch!

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Is there a mouse in the house? No, but there's a moose on the loose!

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A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 AM start, 2 PM finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start on Monday."

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Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better. "My dad's a fireman" said Billy. "My dad's a marine!" said Johnny. "My dad's invisible." said Brian.

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Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

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Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

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What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.

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Why do dogs wag their tails? Because no one else will do it for them!

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An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

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How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight? Delighted.

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Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? A: Lipstick

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What is the difference between a flea and a wolf? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

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What happens when two cats want the same dish of food? They get into a phsssssst fight!

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What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.

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Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.

How do I get to the other side? Blonde: You are on the other side.

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Q: What do elephants use for tampoons ? A: Sheep.

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Why do women live longer than men? They're not married to women.

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Who sell the products cheaper, a manufacturer or a distributor? The store guard!

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What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!

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A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite. do you?!"

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Q: Why do men always want their brides to wear white? A: Because they want their dish washer to match their fridge and stove.

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The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks of your husband," he said. "Neither do I," said the wife, "but he's not home much, and he's great with the kids."

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Two blondes thought they would save money by re-siding their house themselves. After assembling all the necessary materials, the 1st blond put on a nail bag and started pounding in nails. As the 2nd blonde brought over another piece of siding, she watched the 1st blonde take out a nail, look at it, and then throw it over her shoulder. The next nail she pounded in, after looking at it first. The 2nd blonde watched this routine for sometime, and finally asked the 1st blonde why she was throwing some of nails over her shoulder. The 1st blonde said that when she pulled out a nail from the bag & looked at it, if the point of the nail was facing her, the nail had to be defective! The 2nd blonde said "Those nails are not defective. They're for the other side of the house!

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