What is the best advice to give to worm? Sleep late!

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats? In the croakroom!

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My favorite element is Helium. I can't speak highly enough of it.

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What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? Both are empty from the neck up.

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I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!

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You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.

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Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They're all paws.

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I am writing a book about the history of camping. It's all in past tents.

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What came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken, eggs don't cum.

What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons? A sour puss!

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What does a Chihuahua play basketball with? A tennis ball!

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We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in? 'I'd love to,' replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!'

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How can you open a banana? With a monkey!

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What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!

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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."

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Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

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It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside...

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When does a dog go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!

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A stupid glazier was examining a broken window. He looked at it for a while and then said, "It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides."

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Why do tomcats fight? Because they like raising a stink!

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Why are dogs such poor dancers? They have two left feet.

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A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

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What did the 0 say to the 8? Hey, nice belt..

What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out!

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I don't know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works.

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Tarzan was tired when he came home. "What have you been doing", asked Jane.

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What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

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A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

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Finally figured out the reason why l look so bad in pictures. It's my face.

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In what kind of weather is a vet the busiest? When it's raining cats and dogs!

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A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!" "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"

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