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What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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What did JFK say after banging Marilyn Monroe? Some men have greatness thrust upon them, some men thrust upon greatness."
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On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing. "Whatya do that fer?" he asked." Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied. The old man asked, "Does that help?" The cowboy said, "No, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
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Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!
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Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.
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Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?
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Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored? A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.
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A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
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What is the difference between a good Lawyer and a great Lawyer? Answer: A good Lawyer knows the law and a great Lawyer knows the Judge!
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Swedish business'>business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
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What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
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Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!
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Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
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