Jokes about Argentina

What is a favorite cation'>vacation spot for Chihuahuas? Boneos Aires, Argentina!

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A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ..."HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

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On her way home a dumb blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

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No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

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What did the dog take when he was run down? The license number of the car that hit him.

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A young blonde woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself. She opened her handbag and took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me all right."

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Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move... a roundhouse kick to the face.

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Caught my vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!

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Want to hear a cheesy joke? I will only tell it if I have your Parmesan...

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Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can’t come to the phone right now. He’s either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

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Q: What did the ghost eat at his birthday party? A:I scream

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The more complex the handshake, the less complex the individual.

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How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots.

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What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons? A sour puss!

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An opinion without 3.1415926535897932... is just an onion.

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The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg.

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Harry is on his death bed, his wife Zelda is by his side: "Zelda, you've always been by my side" "When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side" "When I had my first heart attack at 45; you were by my side" "When I had my second heart attack at 65; you were by my side" "When I broke my hip at 75; you were by my side" "And now when I'm dying; you are at my side"..."Zelda, you're a fucking jinx!!"

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I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.

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Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.

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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive.

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Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol

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How can you open a banana? With a monkey!

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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.

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A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads... Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows... Dear Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. AND, you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

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My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinasdf alsjdflk jalsie lakdsjfla ksldjf al

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What kind of bees eat rain'>brains? Zombees

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Julie the blonde was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighbourhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy-woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, uh, how much do you want?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks OK?" Julie asked. "Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way, "said Julie, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?" "No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."

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Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.

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