Jokes about Canadian

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

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When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

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A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."

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Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she sees the same parrot and it says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She is incredibly ticked off now. The next day the same parrot again says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady is so ticked off that she goes into the store and says that she will sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologizes profusely and promises that he will make sure the parrot doesn't say it again. When the lady walks past the store the next day, after work, the parrot calls to her and says, "Hey lady." She pause and says, "Yes?" The bird says, "You know."

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Two donkeys were talking about their owners. The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often." Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner? First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey! And, I am just waiting for that to happen.

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Why shouldn't blondes be given a coffee break? It takes too long to retrain them.

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Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date? A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

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Gendel took Bessie, his conversational canine, to a nightclub for an audition. The dog sang "Moon River," "You Made Me Love You," and "Melancholy Baby," without missing a word. "Well, how do you like Bessie?" asked Gendel. "She sings great," said the nightclub owner, "but I don't think she'll look good in an evening gown!"

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Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? A: The Outside.

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What has 8 legs and likes living in trees? Four anti road protesters!

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My standards are so high they just recorded a reggae song.

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Why did the Chihuahua bark when it heard a song on the radio? It didn't know the words!

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Hello. If you’re calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it’s good news, wait for the tone.

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Sam: I wish i had enough money to buy a pedigree cat Bill: Why do you want a pedigree cat? Sam: I don't - I just wish i had that much money

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand ?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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What do you call a nutty dog in Australia? A dingo-ling!

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Where do hamsters come from? Hamsterdam!

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Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word

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Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex.

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Q: Why does a dog wag it's tail? A: No one else will do it for them

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How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!

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My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

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Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.

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A snobbish Park Avenue matron walked 'into a pet shop and ordered the proprietor to give her the finest dog he had in the store. He showed her several of his prize animals but she was dissatisfied. Finally, he picked up an adorable little pup and handed it to her. "Is he pedigreed?" "Pedigreed, indeed?" smirked the owner. "If this dog could talk, he wouldn't speak to either of us."

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

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Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow! Was it a Jersey cow? I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!

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What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of? A Doberman puncher!

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Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

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What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!

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