Jokes about Deputy

Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.

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Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.

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Q: What do you call a cat who's joined the Red Cross? - A: A first-aid kit!

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.

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Teacher: "Name six wild animals" Pupil: "Four elephants and two lions!"

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Why couldn't the restaurant patron get into his car? He had Gnocchi.

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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "F**k me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

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Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel... What is the oldest daughter's name? You think you know it? Aww… a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!

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Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua? It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.

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How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.

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People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!

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Q: What is the one thing you will never hear a man say? A: Her tits are just too big.

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Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years, and the very day after he took that medicine, he heard from America!

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How is a cat laying down like a coin? Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!

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Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.

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Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.

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What was the dog doing on the turnpike? About seven miles an hour.

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Q: What's the capital of Afghanistan? A: KABOOM!!

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(Guns & Roses' "Civil War":) What we've got here is... Failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach... I don't like it any more than you do.

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I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence.

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This blonde was driving home one day on the highway when suddenly she saw a dead rabbit. She put on her brakes and screeched to a stop. Behind her were tons of other cars. She got out of her car and began asking all the people behind her if they had a can of hairspray. One person asked her why she had stopped and why she needed hairspray. The blonde told him to come to the front of her car. So he went to the front and saw a dead rabbit laying there. The person gave her a can of hairspray. The blonde replied, "Thank you." And the guy said, "Why do you need the hairspray?" The blonde sprayed it all over the rabbit and said, "The bottle says it revives dead hairs."

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What dog would you want on your American football team? A golden receiver!

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What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been!

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What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!

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If at first you don't succeed... then skydiving is NOT for you.

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Q: What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A: She has more rain'>brain cells in her stomach than her head.

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Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."

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Cop: "Are you driving under the influence?" Me: "No." Cop: "Say the alphabet backwards." Me: "Tebahpla eht."

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Q: What do you get if put a blonde upside down? A: A brunette with a bad breath.

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Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle? Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!

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Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in North Korea? Because the Party wants to make every asshole Red.

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Someone asked a man who had been married for 20 years: "What did you do before you were married sir?" With teary eyes he replied: "Whatever the hell i wanted to do."

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