Jokes about Europe

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate

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A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".

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Q: What did King Tut say to the museum? A: I want my mummy!

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What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of? A Doberman puncher!

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It's wonderful the power I've got over dumb animals, boasted Rizzoli to his wife. "You notice wherever we go, dogs - big ones, small ones - no matta how mean, they alia come up and licka my hand." "Maybe," said Mrs. Rizzoli, "if you'd eata with a knife and forka once in a while, they wouldn'ta be so friendly."

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Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? A: Lipstick

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What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market? "Good moooorninging ladies!"

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The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?" " 'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"

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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me!"

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Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? A: The Outside.

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Q: Why don't Polish people kill frogs? A: Because it's their national bird.

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How do you think the unthinkable? Run your ship into an iceberg...

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Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

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Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

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Hobson had been seeing a headshrinker for some months because he thought he was a poodle. One day a friend stopped him and asked, "How's the treatment going?" "Well," said Hobson, "I can't say I'm cured yet, but I've made some progress. My psychiatrist has stopped me from chasing cars."

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A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

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Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk and I swatted one how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!

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Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

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I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

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What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on his wedding night?"Now I know why you called your company Microsoft"

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Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.

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Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!

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Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

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What time is it when 12 cats chase a mouse? 12 after 1!

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A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife & Mother-in-Law." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "My 'ex'-Mother-in-Law," replied the old man.

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I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

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Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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What was the most vicious and meanest dinosaur of them all? The Chihuahuasaurus Rex!

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What has a mouth but no teeth? A river.

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