Jokes about Lisa

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world. Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map? Tony shows him America. Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America? Lisa: Tony did!

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What do you call it when a bunch of druggies talk to each other? Joint-Discussion.

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Q: What’s long, hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.

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Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds.

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What did the clean dog say to the insect? Long time no flea!

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Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua? It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.

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The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men." "What is it?" the officer got interested. "Two hundred soldiers."

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Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

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What is a favorite cation'>vacation spot for Chihuahuas? Boneos Aires, Argentina!

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A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor..."I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum." "You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

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What is red and dangerous? Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

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How can you tell a dog from an elephant? The elephant remembers.

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Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?" "Certainly sir," said the owner. "What color?"

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Why do dogs lie down? They can't lie up!

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Two blondes thought they would save money by re-siding their house themselves. After assembling all the necessary materials, the 1st blond put on a nail bag and started pounding in nails. As the 2nd blonde brought over another piece of siding, she watched the 1st blonde take out a nail, look at it, and then throw it over her shoulder. The next nail she pounded in, after looking at it first. The 2nd blonde watched this routine for sometime, and finally asked the 1st blonde why she was throwing some of nails over her shoulder. The 1st blonde said that when she pulled out a nail from the bag & looked at it, if the point of the nail was facing her, the nail had to be defective! The 2nd blonde said "Those nails are not defective. They're for the other side of the house!

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How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters? C-A-T!

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Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: How? Second one: My dog told me.

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Contrary to what people say you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes you get so calm you can't move.

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Have you ever flicked a cigarette out the window then five minutes later you start to smell something? So you turn around only to find your grandma fingering herself in the back seat.

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Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost. Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had."

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Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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How did your Chihuahua break its leg? I dropped some dog food on it by accident. But that couldn't have broken its leg. The dog food was still in the can!

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Why did the Chihuahua take the bus to the TV studio to make a commercial? It was too far to walk!

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Why did the mosquito go to the dentist? To improve his bite!

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Why did the dog say meow? He was learning a foreign language.

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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

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Q: Why did the jellybean go to school? A: Because he wanted to be a smarty

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What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!

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A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

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What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.

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What should you do if you see a vicious dog? Hope he doesn't see you.

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