Jokes about Navy

An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat. "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?" "Yes," said the Navy brat ."My dad has built them. "Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?" "Yes." "It's my dad who's killed it!"

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Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap? A: It's harder to pick up.

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Q: Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships? A:Because sheep would be too obvious.

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Q: Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships? A:Because sheep would be too obvious.

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Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap? A: It's harder to pick up.

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Q: Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships? A: So the sailors can see their air force!

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Q: Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships? A: So the sailors can see their air force!

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When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.

This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop. He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over.He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please." The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?" The old man says, "No, Arthritis!"

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The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her." The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..." The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"

Q: What does a female snail say during crude sex? A: Faster, faster, faster!

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Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it.

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How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.

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Why don't penguins ever get married? They always get cold feet!

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What did the dog tell his owner when he saw the dogcatcher coming? Nothing. Dogs don't talk.

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Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. "It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"

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What happened to the glow worm who was squashed? He was de-lighted!

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Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

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What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps!

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What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea? A catameringue!

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A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: He was feeling crummy!

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He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is someone who keeps track of your age!

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Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl!"

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I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

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What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!

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My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing'>Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."

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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.

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Q: How do you sink a polish battleship? A: Put it in water!

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Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow.

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Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

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What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen? Eat out.

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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

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Why do cow wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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Why was the glow worm unhappy? Because her children weren't that bright!

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