Jokes about Nickel

Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel... What is the oldest daughter's name? You think you know it? Aww… a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!

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Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.

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This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting the doctor sees her in. Ok my good woman what is your problem the doctor asks. Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina but now I can't get it out. The doctor says, don't be nervous I see this happen all the time. He asks her to pull down her underwear sits her down with her legs wide open puts his gloves on and says: I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

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My diet plan consists of getting a full body tattoo of some skinny dude.

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She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

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A couple of blondes got lost at the mall. So they go to the map, where they see a red arrow that says: YOU ARE HERE One blonde looks at the other and exclaims: "WoW! How do they know that?"

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Jim sees his neighbor out back building a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, hauling in a gas generator and so on. "So, uh, I guess you believe Y2K is a biggie huh?" "Naw", says the neighbor. "Ah's jes' stockin' the bunker now, 'cuz if I did it any other time, people'd think ah's nuts."

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Why do cats chase birds? For a lark!

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There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.

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Did you hear about the Chinese Chef who broke out of jail? Apparently he went out for a wok and never came back.

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Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn't stand the draft?

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What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.

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Little Willie'>Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."

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It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside...

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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive.

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What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? Britney asked to be hit one more time..

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A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!". So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff." And the blonde says "Well, I did too! But I never would have thought that the man would do it again!"

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Q: What is the biggest pencil in the world? A: Pennsylvania

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What did the blonde say when she dropped the priceless Ming vase? "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

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Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!

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What's drier than toast without butter? My sense of humor.

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Why do women have legs? To not leave a slime trail.

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Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl!"

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Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.

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Q: What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A: Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

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Do you know what my grandmother would be doing today if she was alive? Scratching at her coffin.

What's the difference between a ginger and a brick? A brick gets laid.

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A man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a puppy for my son.' 'Sorry sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do part exchange.'

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Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? They were riverdancing.

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A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer". The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here".

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What kind of dog does a vampire prefer? Any kind of bloodhound!

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One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!