Jokes about Politician

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...Broiled Missionary: $25.00Fried Explorer: $35.00Baked Politician: $100.00.The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

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It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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Detective: I am on the trail of a cat burglar Sergeant: How do you know it's a cat burglar? Detective: All it stole was a saucer and a pint of milk

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What do you call a smarty pants? A jeanius

What is a collie puppy's favorite toy? A chew-chew train!

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A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

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Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop.

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Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering.

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Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? A: It stole the show!

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Rick's mother couldn't bring herself to tell the little boy that his dog, Paddy, had been run over. When Rick came home from school, she talked of other things for a few minutes, but inevitably was asked: "Where's Paddy?" "Paddy has been killed by an automobile," she told him. "Oh," said the boy, and went whistling out to play. At dinnertime Rick said, "Hey, Mom, Where's Paddy?" "Darling," his mother said; "I told you this afternoon that Paddy had been killed by an automobile." The little boy burst into tears. "When I told you this afternoon," she said, "it didn't seem to bother you." "No," sniffed the boy, "I thought you said Daddy."

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I was married 3 times explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the fucking mushrooms!"

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Where did the dog breeder keep his savings ? In bark-lays bank !

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Benson and his dog were sitting at a bar. He ordered two martinis. Benson handed one to the dog, who promptly drank it, then ate the glass until only the base and stem remained. Then he left. "That's the craziest thing I've ever seen," said the bartender. "Yeah, he's a dumb dog," said Benson. "The stem is the best part."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The get to the other side.

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What kind of dog can tell time? A clockshund!

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I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence.

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An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

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What is another way to describe a cat? A heat seeking missile!

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What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes

What's worse than finding cum stains in your son's underwear? Finding cum stains in the back of the underwear.

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Q: What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "uck"? A: Firetruck

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Q: What's the difference between a road-killed deer and a road-killed lawyer? A: There's skid marks in front of the deer!

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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.

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Frank and Gene were tossing down a few brews at the neighbourhood pub. "Boy, did I have a close call with Angie last night," said Prank. What happened?" asked Gene. "Well, I got home real late, so I took off my shoes, climbed the stairs, opened the door of the bedroom, tiptoed, and closed the door without makin' any noise. Just as I'm about to get into bed, the wife wakes up and says, 'Is that you, Toto?'" "What'd you do?" "For once in my life I really used my head," said Frank "I licked her hand."

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What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear? A petticoat!

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? 1 less drunk

A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

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(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.

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OK, one more time… This is our answering machine… This is the message on our answering machine… Any questions?

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What is the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

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Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!

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