Jokes about Smith

The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife. "Show him, honey."

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Hello, this is Sid. I've got a puppy in one hand and a Smith & Wesson .38 in the other. Leave a message or the puppy gets it.

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The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. "I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now begin!" After a few minutes, one of the men stopped. "Why did you stop. Smith?" demanded the officer. "If you please, sir," said Smith, "I'm freewheeling for a while."

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Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully, the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.

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What do toads drink? Croaka-cola!

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An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So he went in and applied for the job!

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Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

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If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.

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How did the hipster burn his tongue ? cos he drank he coffee before it was cool...

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One day a poor old lady found a dollar and with that dollar she bought a lottery ticket. She won the lottery! She bought a house and a dog. She said to herself, "What should I name my house?" And she looked around and she saw a guy mooning her so she decided to name her house "Butt". Then she needed a name for her dog. So she looked around and saw a crack house so she named her dog "Crack". One day about a month later she woke up and couldn't find her dog. She looked all over the house and she couldn't find it anywhere! So finally she called the cops and said, "Police please help me I've looked all over my Butt but I can't find my Crack!"

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What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A cat-a-log!

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A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?

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Is it hot in here or is it just you?

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There were two brunettes in the front of a truck, and three blondes in the back. They rolled off a cliff into the ocean. The brunettes survived, but the blondes died. Why? They couldn't get the tailgate open.

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So there was a stork carrying an old man and the old man turns to it and says: "Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"

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You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? reading'>Proofreading.

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The Flat Earth Community has supporters all around the globe.

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Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

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A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!" In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

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Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to, it already has its own spots!

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What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist? A sumo shaves their legs.

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Who is king of all the mice? Mouse Tse Tung!

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Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts.

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What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music.

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There was three blondes stranded on a island far, far away. They saw a magic bottle floating on the water. They retrieved it and they went ahead and rubbed it, a genie came out and said " thank you very much lady's". the genie said, just for that I will grant you all one wish and one wish only, so all three blondes were happy. The first blonde said I want to be rich and have a big mansion with a big swimming pool," poof", she was gone having a good time. The second blonde said, I want to be a millionaire and own a plane with a cute husband to take care of me and travel the world, ' poof", she was of with her husband having a good time. Then the third blonde was so sad. And the genie asked, "what is wrong?", the blonde said, you know what I wish, "I wish my friends were back here with me", and "poof", there they are, back together again.

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Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

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What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? Santa Claws!

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Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.

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What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body-builder.

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Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

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(while looking at stars) I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.

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