Jokes about Steve

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!'' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?''

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Why Steve, you're so depressed today, what's the matter? Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. She swore to me she wouldn't talk to me for a month! Then so bad about it? You should celebrate the event! No, no, see...that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day...

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Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I’ll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week’s National Enquirer.

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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

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What do you call four condoms who play music together? A rubber band.

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They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it. They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, etc.

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What do clouds wear under their clothes? Thunderware.

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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

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What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow? Slush puppies!

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In which month do cats meow the least? February - it's the shortest month.

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Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!

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Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? A: Mice cream

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Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

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Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

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What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You meet new people every day.

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How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party

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Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it.

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As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

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This blonde was driving home one day on the highway when suddenly she saw a dead rabbit. She put on her brakes and screeched to a stop. Behind her were tons of other cars. She got out of her car and began asking all the people behind her if they had a can of hairspray. One person asked her why she had stopped and why she needed hairspray. The blonde told him to come to the front of her car. So he went to the front and saw a dead rabbit laying there. The person gave her a can of hairspray. The blonde replied, "Thank you." And the guy said, "Why do you need the hairspray?" The blonde sprayed it all over the rabbit and said, "The bottle says it revives dead hairs."

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Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubblerain'>brain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?

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The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

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Q: What has one horn and gives milk? A: A milk truck.

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You know what I hate about fashion designers? They are so clothes-minded.

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What do you do if your dog eats your pen? Use a pencil instead!

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Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

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Rabinowitz walked into Gold's Theatrical Agency with a puppy under his arm. "I got here an attraction that'll make you a million dollars. I got a little puppy dog that plays an electric piano and sings My Yid-dishe Mama." "I don't believe it," said Gold. Rabinowitz opened up a suitcase, pulled out a tiny piano, put the puppy at it and the dog began playing and singing. The theatrical agent leaped up and shouted, "My God! We'll clean up a fortune!" Just then the door opened and in walked a big dog, grabbed the puppy by the neck, and ran out with him. "What the hell was that?" asked the agent. "That's the puppy's mother," answered Rabinowitz. "She wants him to be a doctor!

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Q: What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common? A: Someone's going to lose their trailer...

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How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive. A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says "Alright. Who's the other father!"

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Q: Where do fish sleep? A: In a river bed

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Q: What creature has the best aptitude for engineering? A: The spider - it has its own website.

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What's the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

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Why do people love cats? Because they are purrrrr-fect!

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Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.

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