Jokes about Why

Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.

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Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"

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Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down? One good turn deserves another.

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An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned. "I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the NCO. "Why did you come back?" "Because there's already somebody there!"

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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

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Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket? Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper!

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Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but his legs are too short! Clerk: Too short? Why, all four of them touch the floor.

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Mrs. Johnson phoned the plummer because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large doberman inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts. As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie! The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish. The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish." The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...." The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

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Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don't believe everything I read.

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Morton walked into a department store and asked the floor walker to hold his dog for a minute. When he returned the floor walker was kicking the poor little pup. "Why are you kicking that defenseless dog?" Morton asked. "Why shouldn't I?" said the floor walker. "He lifted up his leg like he was going to kick me!"

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Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment? To prepare them for the bill!

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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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This blonde was driving home one day on the highway when suddenly she saw a dead rabbit. She put on her brakes and screeched to a stop. Behind her were tons of other cars. She got out of her car and began asking all the people behind her if they had a can of hairspray. One person asked her why she had stopped and why she needed hairspray. The blonde told him to come to the front of her car. So he went to the front and saw a dead rabbit laying there. The person gave her a can of hairspray. The blonde replied, "Thank you." And the guy said, "Why do you need the hairspray?" The blonde sprayed it all over the rabbit and said, "The bottle says it revives dead hairs."

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Why is it called a "litter" of puppies? Because they mess up the whole house!

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Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

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Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, Lie to me!

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Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips? Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!

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Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!

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Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I supposed to work without a light?"

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Why was the mother flea so unhappy? All her children had gone to the dogs.

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Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.

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Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They're all paws.

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Do you know why god created leprosy? He needed someone to lend him a hand!

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Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? Because he was following people before Instagram.

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I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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Why do people love cats? Because they are purrrrr-fect!

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Why did the blonde cross the road? I dont know, and neither does she.

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Q: Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa? A: Because of all the cheetahs.

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Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!

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President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III." And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits." The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?" Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

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If you've ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you've obviously never been married.

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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

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Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat? Cats can't drive!

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Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

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Q: Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships? A: So the sailors can see their air force!

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Why didn't the Blonde have any ice cubes for her party? She lost the recipe.

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Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

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Have you checked your German shepherd's eyes lately? Why? They've always been brown!

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Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

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Q: Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and they go to the fridge.

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There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.

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Why did the cat cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!

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Why was the mother flea so unhappy? All her children had gone to the dogs.

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Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

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Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

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I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?

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Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

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Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here?" The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep." The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?" The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep." The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here. The great Dane responds: "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself." The poodle asks: "so she brought you here to put to sleep?" "Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

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Why did the pope have so many children? Because his condom was a little holy...

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Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer.

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One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

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A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

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Q: Why don't Polish people kill frogs? A: Because it's their national bird.

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Why was the moth so unpopular? He kept picking holes in everything!

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Why do frogs have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires!

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Two men were knocking in nails to the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away. "Why do you keep throwing nails away" said the other. "Because they have the point at the wrong end", he replied "You fool, we could use those on the other side of the house!"

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Peter smuggled a puppy with him on an airliner by hiding it inside his pants. During the flight, the hostess saw him grinning broadly and asked why. He told her what he had done. "But," asked the stewardess, "is the puppy housebroken?" "Hell," said Peter, "he ain't even been weaned yet!"

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Why did the sick eagle get deported? Because he was an illeagle.

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Why do dogs run in circles? Because its hard to run in squares!

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Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

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Why is a bear brown? Because he crawls in his hole during winter.

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Why do business'>businessmen carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas can't walk.

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Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.

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Why do worms taste like chewing gum? Because they're wrigleys!

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Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch.

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A blonde complained to her friend, "I can never trust my boyfriend. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his!"

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Why did the Chihuahua ask the bloodhound to take it to a restaurant? Because the bloodhound just found a lot of scents!

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Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: To win the no-bell prize.

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Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house? Because she heard fowl language!

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Selkirk offered to sell a Dalmatian to Maxwell for $10, claiming it was a talking dog. "Please buy me," said the canine. "My owner is mean to me, and he beats me with a whip. And I'm really a good dog. I was in the last war. I won the Distinguished Service Cross and the Purple Heart." "That Dalmation really does talk" gasped Maxwell, "Why do you want to sell him for only $10?" "Because," said the dog's owner, "I can't stand a liar."

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Why do blondes hate M&Ms? They're too hard to peel.

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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? A: Cause all of their runners, swimmers, and jumpers are in the United States.

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Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

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Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains? A: So they know where to stop shaving.

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Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue? A: Because the rice falls through the grill

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Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it..

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A beagle was complaining to a basset that he felt poorly. "Nothing physical," he said. "Just bored, always tired, never really in top form." "Well," said the basset, "why don't you see a psychiatrist?" "How can I see a psychiatrist?" said the beagle. "You know I'm not allowed on couches."

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Why don't blondes eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packets.

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A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, "Can I buy that TV" "No" "Why not?" "Because your a blonde." So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, "Can I buy that TV?" "No" "Why not?" "Your a blonde." So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, "Can I buy that TV?" "No" "Why not?" "You're a blonde" "How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!" "Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"

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Why wasn't the dog hurt when he fell off a 100-foot ladder? He fell from the bottom rung.

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Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.

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A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts." The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

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Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.

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Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!

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Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in North Korea? Because the Party wants to make every asshole Red.

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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

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Why did the cat sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!

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A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks." He said. "The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping!"

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Why couldn't the Chihuahua play basketball? Because its basketball shoes were in the wash and a tennis player needed the ball!

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Why do cow wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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Why was the frog down in the mouth? He was un hoppy!

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Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

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Q: Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman? A: Because you have to hollow the head out.

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Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales.

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Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was some money in the kitty!

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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

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Why do lobsters make bad lovers? They're shellfish in bed.

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Why are Albanians given only a half hour for lunch? They don't want to have to retrain them.

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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? A: Cause all of their runners, swimmers, and jumpers are in the United States.

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Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye? Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

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Q: Why do divorced men get married again? A: Bad memory.

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You have reached 555-5555. Why?

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Talbot took his dog to the veterinarian and asked him to cut his tail off completely. "Why in the world would you want me to do that?" asked the vet. "Well," said the dog owner, "My mother-in-law is coming to visit us, and I don't want anything in the house to suggest that she is welcome."

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Why are dogs such poor dancers? They have two left feet.

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Why does a d dog scratch himself? He is the only one that knows where it itches.

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Why do dogs lie down? They can't lie up!

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A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The get to the other side.

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Who's this Rorschach dude? And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me

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Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for a grape? He was colour-blind.

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You know why they don't have CSI in Arkansas? They don't have enough teeth for dental records, and they all have the same DNA.

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Why did the Chihuahua take the bus to the TV studio to make a commercial? It was too far to walk!

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Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

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Why did the dog say meow? He was learning a foreign language.

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Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

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Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he's married.

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Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs!

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"Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming."

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Q: Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships? A: So the sailors can see their air force!

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: He was feeling crummy!

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Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.

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Q: Why does a dog wag it's tail? A: No one else will do it for them

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Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep instead of just six? Because deep down they really are good people.

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Why married guys are fat: A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to bed. A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to the fridge.

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Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole. A man passing by yelled up to them, "Why don't you guys just take down the pole, lay it down on the ground and measure it?" "We don't wanna measure the length, mister!" Wyatt sneered. "We wanna measure the height!"

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A doctor is going about his business'>business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

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A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," says the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert." "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??" His mother replies impatiently, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert." "That's great Mom. So we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes, and these humps to store water, but Mom..." "Yes, son?" "Do we really need all of these in the zoo?"

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Why didn't the boy advertise in the paper when his dog was lost? His dog never reads the paper.

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Why was the Chihuahua glad it wasn't an eagle? It can't fly!

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If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.

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Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.

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Why do cats chase birds? For a lark!

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Why didn't the female frog lay eggs? Because her husband spawned her affections!

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Barrett, a New Yorker, went to the country for the first time to do some hunting. Ferris, a kennel owner, provided the dogs to accompany Barrett. The hunter left early the next morning but returned in an hour. "Why are you back so soon?" asked Ferris. "I'm after more dogs." "More dogs!" exclaimed the kennel owner. "Those were good dogs I gave you." "I know, but I've shot those dogs already."

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Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap? A: It's harder to pick up.

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When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? They were very helpful during the "Roverlutionary War!"

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Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

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Why do women have legs? To not leave a slime trail.

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Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.

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A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."

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Why did the left shoe marry the right? Because they were "sole"-mates

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If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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Why do tomcats fight? Because they like raising a stink!

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Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head? The tomato was in a can.

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Why do they have Feta cheese at a Greek wedding? To keep the flies off the bride!

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Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: He was feeling crummy!

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Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pet at once!

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Q: Why is a dog scared of a fire? A: It doesn't want to become a hot dog.

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Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex.

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Q: Why does a dog wag it's tail? A: No one else will do it for them

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What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late? Your spinning me a yarn here!

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Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.

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Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.

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Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.

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Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh." "That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

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Why did Rudolfo salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket? Because the label said General Foods.

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A man was sprinkling some white powder on his lawn. "Why are you doing that?" asked his neighbour. "It's to keep the elephants off the grass", he replied. "But we don't get elephants round here!" "I know - good stuff isn't it!"

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This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

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Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

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Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

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Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue? A: Because the rice falls through the grill

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Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

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One time this blonde girl was at a vending machine. She would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and she would put it on the top. She did this a few more times before a man asked why she kept doing this, and she said, "Because I'm winning."

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Why do divers fall backwards from boats? Because if they fell forward they'd still be in it!

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Q: Why don't polish women use vibrators? A: It chips their teeth.

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Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

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The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. "I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now begin!" After a few minutes, one of the men stopped. "Why did you stop. Smith?" demanded the officer. "If you please, sir," said Smith, "I'm freewheeling for a while."

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Why did the Chihuahua bark when it heard a song on the radio? It didn't know the words!

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Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise? Because the captain stood on the deck.

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Why is everything in your home damaged? My dog is in the middle of being house-broken!

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Q: Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats? A: So that if the seat falls while they're drinking, it won't smack them in the back of the head.

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Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.

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Q: Why did the jellybean go to school? A: Because he wanted to be a smarty

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My mother always told me: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

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Two donkeys were talking about their owners. The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often." Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner? First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey! And, I am just waiting for that to happen.

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Q: Why is a dog scared of a fire? A: It doesn't want to become a hot dog.

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Why did the baby cat join the red cross? It wanted to be a first aid Kit.

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This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room. When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed. The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head. He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."

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Why do dogs wag their tails? Because no one else will do it for them!

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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...Broiled Missionary: $25.00Fried Explorer: $35.00Baked Politician: $100.00.The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

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Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he's late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour's to get her bred by a bull. Annoyed, teacher demands, "Can't your father do that?" Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies, "Well, sure... but the bull can do it better."

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Why did the blonde stare at her orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate.

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A man is driving his car along a lonely country road when suddenly grinds to a halt. The driver tries to restart it but to no avail. So he gets out and opens the bonnet and starts fiddling with the plugs. Suddenly he hears a voice. "The left hand carburettor is blocked, why don't you drain it and the muck should come out too". He turns round and can see no one, so he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing. "Drain the muck out of the left hand carburettor", says the voice again, and when he turns round all he can see is a black horse with its head over the hedge looking at him. Again the voice tells him what to do and he suddenly realises that the horse is giving him instructions. Too shocked to argue, he does as he is told, starts the car and sure enough it works. He drives down to the nearest pub and, rushing in like a madman, has a stiff drink. Then he says to the barman, "My car broke down up there and a horse told me how to repair it". The barman looks at him and says, "Was it a black one?" "Yes." "I thought so, the white one knows nothing about cars."

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Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

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Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out the W's.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.

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Why shouldn't blondes be given a coffee break? It takes too long to retrain them.

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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill? Because he was dead

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Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night!

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Why did the mosquito go to the dentist? To improve his bite!

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Two mice met in the early nineteen-sixties, when manned flights in orbit were as yet in the planning stage. After the usual exchange of pleasantries, one said, "But you look worn out, Michael. What's the matter?" Michael shrugged his little shoulders and said, "Life isn't easy for us scientists, you know. I'm in space research, and those experimental flights in rockets, with the weightlessness and the acceleration and the uncertainty of safe return -- Well, it's hard on one's nerves." "In that case," said his friend, "why don't you quit and take a job in some other line of work?" "That's easy to say," said Michael, "but stop and think - Is a job in cancer research any better?"

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Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!

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One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?" The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want." So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one." Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together." Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

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Why is a dog like a baseball player? He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

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