Jokes about Woman


    • A Blonde, called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows". The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?," asks the Post Office worker. "33," says the man. "Well, have a good day," says the worker. "Thank you," replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The man says to the old lady, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday," says the old lady. "I'm..." "No don't tell me," interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is." "Oh yeah? What's that then," asks the man. "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are," says the old lady. "I don't believe it." "Well let me prove it!" "I'm not going to let you feel my balls!," says the man. "Oh well, I guess you'll never know then," replies the lady. After a couple of minutes curiosity gets the better of the man and he says, "Oh, okay then, you can do it." After a good feel of the man's balls the woman finally takes her hands out of his pants. "You are 33 years old exactly," she exclaims! "How the f**k did you know that?!," exclaims the man, impressed. "I was behind you in the line at the Post Office," said the lady.

      More Pictures



      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once. Got my fingers burnt.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Q: What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A: A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Blonde: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?" Woman: "It's 11:25PM." Blonde: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A women was considering buying an aging Thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing her deal. She asked when the vet had completed his examination - "Will I be able to race him?" The veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse. "Sure" he replied, "and you'll probably win!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having sex. The little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass two dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Q: What did the woman say to her swimming instructor? A: "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: How? Second one: My dog told me.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony? A: The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time. Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony? A: The one who can eat the last doughnut.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • A woman tells her friend, "My husband is an angel." Her friend replies, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? A: Straight through the rib cage.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates. "The woman replies, "Yes...And we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • 1st Woman: My cat thinks it's a chicken. 2nd Woman: Why don't you take it to the vet? 1st Woman: We need the eggs.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A: You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!". So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff." And the blonde says "Well, I did too! But I never would have thought that the man would do it again!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • What do you do if a blonde woman throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony? A. The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time. Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony? A. The one who can eat the last doughnut.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting the doctor sees her in. Ok my good woman what is your problem the doctor asks. Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina but now I can't get it out. The doctor says, don't be nervous I see this happen all the time. He asks her to pull down her underwear sits her down with her legs wide open puts his gloves on and says: I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!" "Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • A blonde walked in on her husband having an affair. She was so angry she pulled out a gun and pointed to the woman's head. She was about to pull the trigger, when her husband said, "No, don't!" and she replied, "Shut up, you're next!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old, ugly and poor man? A: Stupid!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A: A navel.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Q: What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A: He is usually home with the kids!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Odum, an elderly black called before the justice of the peace, was charged with keeping a vicious dog. "That dog bit my girl Bobbie Jo three times," complained the mother. "Did your dog bite little Bobbie Jo?" asked the judge. "No sir," said Odum. "My dog, he never bit any little girl." "Well," said the judge to the mother, "this man says the dog didn't bite your little girl." "I'll go home and bring Bobbie Jo here and show you," said the woman. "Hold on," said the black man. "In the first place the dog is so old he ain' got no teeth and he can't bite. In the second place the dog is blind and couldn't see Bobbie Jo anyhow. In the third place the dog is deaf and can't hear a thing, and in the fourth place he ain't my dog in the first place."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle? Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • A woman telephoned a veterinarian and asked him to come examine her cat. I don't know what's wrong with her," the woman told him. "She looks as if she's going to have kittens, but that's impossible. She's never been out of the house except for when I had her on a leash." The vet examined the cat and said there was no question about her pregnancy. "But she can't be," protested the woman. "It's impossible." At that point a large tom cat emerged from under the sofa. "How about him?" asked the vet. "Don't be silly," answered the woman. "That's her brother."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A blonde woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?" The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Julie the blonde was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighbourhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy-woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, uh, how much do you want?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks OK?" Julie asked. "Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way, "said Julie, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!" The man replied "No lady, this cat is not clever at all. I'm beating it 6 g

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in CPR. "The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder. "When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I'm already here!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? A: Straight through the rib cage.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • I like my coffee like I like my woman. Cold and bitter.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • What is 6 inches long, has a big head and Woman love it? A $100 dollar bill!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • There was a guy who was in love with a beautiful woman, but he had a speech impediment and she wouldn't marry him because he talked funny. He learned of a school that could help him, so he enrolled and was gone for about 3 months. When he came back, his buddy picked him up at the airport and asked, "How'd it go, are you cured?" He said, "Well - sort - of - but - I - must - talk - real - slow - now." His buddy says, "That's OK, she loves you, she'll marry you." So he drops him off at her house. About 2 hours later he's back at his buddy's house. His buddy say's, "Well, how'd it go, are you going to get married?" He said, "No, - I - don't - think - so." His buddy asked, "What happened?" He said, "Well, - we - were - sitting - on - the - couch - talking - and - I - saw - the - cat - playing - with - the - balls - on - the - Christmas - tree - and - I - said, - " Look, - Honey, - after - we're - married , - you - can - do - that - to - me", - but, - by - the - time - I - said - it - and - she - looked, - the - cat - was - licking - his - ass!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Do you know what Rodeo Sex is? It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.' She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away." So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?" Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first stupid!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a “POOF” you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." “POOF” The mirror swallows her. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." “POOF” The mirror swallows her. Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ." “POOF”

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • Q: What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman? A: "Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?" The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Mrs. Pennington was out walking her small Pekingese when she stopped to look down at an excavation where men were working. In one corner, a giant crane was stuck in a mudhole, and the men were trying to pull it out with the aid of a tractor. After a minute, Mrs. Pennington noticed the foreman standing next to her. "Lady, could we borrow your dog for a minute?" he asked. "What for?" "We'll hitch him up," said the man in charge, "and pull out that there crane." "What?" said the woman. "How can that little dog lift that great big crane? It's impossible!" "Oh, that's okay, lady," said the foreman. "We got whips."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old, ugly and poor man? A: Stupid!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!" "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A young blonde woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself. She opened her handbag and took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me all right."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

      More Pictures



      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor..."I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum." "You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said. "Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman. "Okay.", replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382". "Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?", queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is the Staten Island Ferry."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color. The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up." The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark." The contractor writes something down on his pad again , then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!" The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here." The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up." The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?" The contractor replies, "Well, if you look across the street, I have four blondes laying sod in your neighbours yard."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent 1 bar of soap 3, individual servings of yogurt, 2 oranges, 1 stick of women's deodorant. She then goes to the check out line. Cashier: Oh, you must be single. Woman: You can tell that by what I bought? Cashier: No, you're f**king ugly!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony? A. The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time. Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony? A. The one who can eat the last doughnut.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts." The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • I was once a man stuck in a woman's body. Then my mother gave birth.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!" "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about how much I spent on it." "Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to cook it, I read the directions on the back and they said, "PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE," so I had to fly Alaska."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "F**k me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • If Twitter was invented by a woman, the character limit would be 10,000 characters.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • As Barrett drove along a seldom-traveled backroad, a springer spaniel ran out into the path of the car and was killed instantly. Barrett went to a nearby house. A woman was hanging clothes on a line so he explained what happened. "It's my husband's dog," said the woman, "and he loved that dog a lot. Best hunting dog a man ever had, he always said." "Well," said Barrett, "where is your husband? I think I should be the one to tell him about it." "He's back of the house, chopping wood," she replied. "But I don't want you to shock him what with his bad heart and all. So don't tell him it was the dog right off. Tell him it was me."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • One woman stops a taxi. To the airport, please. After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today. Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant. Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet neither.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • Q: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment. Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $ 3.99 a minute.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? A: Her navel.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Q: What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman? A: "Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What is the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment. Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $ 3.99 a minute.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • A woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor. "One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?" "I've been stung by a bee." "Oh really, where?" "Between the first and second hole" "Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It’s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'". "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? A: Her navel.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • One day, a dog ran out into the street and was killed by a passing car. The woman was in tears that night when her husband came home. His efforts to comfort her were to no avail. Finally, he said, "Darling, stop crying and I'll buy you a new hat." "But," she cried, "if you knew how much I miss him you'd make that a fur coat."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • How can you tell if a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares...

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • What does a woman and KFC have in common? By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • A woman's shoes say a lot about her feelings believe it or not. For example, if they're behind her ears, she likes you.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A woman had her dog neutered because she was told it would curb the animal's aggression. But the next day it savaged the postman. "I'm so sorry," she said, rushing to the man's aid. "I was told he'd stop attacking people if I had him neutered." "Lady," said the postman, picking himself off the ground, "you should have had his teeth pulled. I knew when he came out the door he wasn't going to make love to me."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding. An usher asked to see her invitation. "I don't have one," she said. "Well then, are you a friend of the groom?" "I should say not," snapped the woman, "I'm the bride's mother!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run