Jokes about computer


    • A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

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    • There is an old story about the data center of the future. This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

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    • A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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    • What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

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    • What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best? Lap-top!

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    • What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?

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    • My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinasdf alsjdflk jalsie lakdsjfla ksldjf al

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    • My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

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    • You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

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    • How do you know when your cat has been using your computer? When your mouse has teeth marks on it!

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    • Alsation: What kind of computer do you want to buy? Chihuahua: One with a small byte!

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    • How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer? With dog diskettes!

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    • You have reached 123-4567. Please hold while I process your call. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers. None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.

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    • 1: Hey, would you get the phone? 2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone! 1: Well, I'm on the computer right now, so will you get it? 2: I'm in the bathroom, and besides, you're closer anyway! 1: Nicole, you always pull this garbage when it's your turn to get it! 2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!

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    • What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.

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