Jokes about holes

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer.He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place. "Well," said the demon, "the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don't!"

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Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

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Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol

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Why was the moth so unpopular? He kept picking holes in everything!

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What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden!

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A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."

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What insect lives on nothing? A moth, because it eats holes

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Why do bald men have holes in their trouser pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair!

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Q: What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A: Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

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What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? They were riverdancing.

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Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stool? A: You turn it over!

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Q: What do you call a cat who's joined the Red Cross? - A: A first-aid kit!

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Why doesn't a sociologist look out the window in the morning? Because then they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

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One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

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What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four guys watching a baseball game.

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Teacher: Name four members of the cat family. Alex: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens!

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Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his cell phone ... more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.

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What is green, red and goes 90 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

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Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.

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What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk? A Great Dane out!

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An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing. The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst. The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off. The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just roll down the window!

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A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer". The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here".

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A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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Do cucumbers make anyone else burp? Or am I shoving mine up to far?

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Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap.

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Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass.

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Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.

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What is the most religious insect? A mosque-ito!

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Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

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Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!

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Cell phones make it easy to communicate with everybody except the people you're currently with.

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Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

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A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

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What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house? The Lizard of Oz!

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Alsation: How come you are always so well behaved when you go on a walk with your master? Chihuahua: It's the leash I can do!

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One day a blonde walked into a cookie shop to see a small tray full of cookies. The sign said 'free sample' so she took one. The next day the blond was sick and could barely move. She swore revenge upon the cookie shop. She marched back to the cookie shop and burst into the cookie shop and slammed her foot. "Your cookies made me sick!" she screamed, pointing to the 'free sample' tray. "Oh, what are we going to do about that?" said the store clerk, as he bit his lip. "I want my money back!" screamed the blonde.

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There needs to be a third option because getting older or dying aren't working for me.

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What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.

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