Jokes about own

    • There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color. The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up." The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark." The contractor writes something down on his pad again , then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!" The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here." The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up." The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?" The contractor replies, "Well, if you look across the street, I have four blondes laying sod in your neighbours yard."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep instead of just six? Because deep down they really are good people.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting the doctor sees her in. Ok my good woman what is your problem the doctor asks. Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina but now I can't get it out. The doctor says, don't be nervous I see this happen all the time. He asks her to pull down her underwear sits her down with her legs wide open puts his gloves on and says: I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the side every night when he goes to sleep? Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his cation'>vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night? An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • A little brown dog was running across a freight yard, crossing all the railroad tracks, until a switch engine nipped off the end of his tail. The canine yelped, spun around, and when he tried to bite the train, he got his head chopped off. Moral: Never lose your head over a piece of tail.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of the swimming pool.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Meeting in Central Park, a huge boxer stopped and wagged his tail in friendly greeting to a Russian wolfhound. "How do you like America?" he asked. "Well, it's different from my homeland," said the wolfhound. "In Russia I eat bones dipped in vodka and caviar. In Russia I have my own doghouse made of rare Siberian wood. In Russia I sleep on a rug made of thick warm ermine." "Then why did you come to America?" "I like to bark once in a while."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, Lie to me!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it. "This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!" "And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire." The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?" "Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Frank and Gene were tossing down a few brews at the neighbourhood pub. "Boy, did I have a close call with Angie last night," said Prank. What happened?" asked Gene. "Well, I got home real late, so I took off my shoes, climbed the stairs, opened the door of the bedroom, tiptoed, and closed the door without makin' any noise. Just as I'm about to get into bed, the wife wakes up and says, 'Is that you, Toto?'" "What'd you do?" "For once in my life I really used my head," said Frank "I licked her hand."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Selkirk offered to sell a Dalmatian to Maxwell for $10, claiming it was a talking dog. "Please buy me," said the canine. "My owner is mean to me, and he beats me with a whip. And I'm really a good dog. I was in the last war. I won the Distinguished Service Cross and the Purple Heart." "That Dalmation really does talk" gasped Maxwell, "Why do you want to sell him for only $10?" "Because," said the dog's owner, "I can't stand a liar."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • The chief constable of a small English town was also an expert veterinary surgeon. One night his telephone rang. "Is Mr. Smythe there?" said an agitated voice. Mrs. Smythe answered "yes" and inquired, "Do you want my husband in his capacity of veterinary surgeon or as chief constable?" "Both, lady," came the reply. "We can't get our new bulldog to open his mouth, and there's a burglar in it."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Dobson, a Des Moines drunkard, picked up a year-old copy of the London Times and read an ad offering a large reward for the return of a very shaggy dog to its bereft owner in Walton-on-Thames. Ten minutes later Dobson stumbled over the shaggiest pup ever born. He promptly bundled the canine under his arm, hitchhiked to New York, took a freighter to Southhampton and a taxi to Walton-on-Thames. Dobson rushed to the house of the man who had advertised and rang his bell. He opened the door. "Listen," said the drunk, holding up the pooch, "you lost a shaggy dog, is this it?" "I should say not," snapped the man, "it wasn't that shaggy!" and slammed the door in his face.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • A man in a bar with his Labrador at his feet was intrigued to see another dog owner enter the bar. "That's a strange looking dog you have there," he said. "Yes, he is rather," said the newcomer, "but he's a great fighter." "Is he now? I bet he isn't as good a fighter as my Fang here." "All right - how much do you wanna bet?" "Ten dollars." "You're on." So the two men let their dogs fight. Eventually the Labrador crawled, battered and bloody, to his master's side. "I'd never thought I'd see Fang get defeated," said the loser's master, handing over the ten dollars, "especially by such an odd-looking one like yours." "Yes, he does look a little peculiar," agreed the winner's master, "but he looked even odder before I shaved his mane off."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite. do you?!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • This big, brawny, dark-skinned Latin guy walks into a bar. On his shoulder is a beautiful blue-and-red parrot. The bartender says, admiringly "That's beautiful; where'd you get it?" and the parrot says "Down in Mexico; there's millions of 'em!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask?" She says, "He said, Please put down that damn gun..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife. "Show him, honey."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Fulton was walking down the main street of a small town, with a dog on a leash. The animal was a miserable-looking, mangy flea ridden, purple-eyed pup. "Where are you going with that mutt?" asked a friend. "Oh, I'm taking him to the New York Dog Show." "That flea-bitten, raggedy-looking character? You'll never win a prize with him!" "Yes, I know," he replied, "but it'll give him a chance to meet a lot of real nice dogs."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • What do you call someone who strictly prefers white rice over brown rice? A goddamn riceist

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Q: How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on? A: Yellow in the front, brown in the back!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Q: How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat? A: If you sit down before the other guy gets off.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown? A: "Does this taste funny to you?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: How? Second one: My dog told me.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up. St Peter says "I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn't cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted." Cat: "Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it." St Peter: "That's easy. Granted. You shall have the satin pillow after you enter in." Next a group of mice appeared. St Peter: "Ah, I remember you. You were such good mice on earth. You didn't steal food from anyone's house and never hurt other animals. Therefore, I want to grant you one special wish you always wanted." The Chief Mouse replied, "Well, we always watched the children playing and saw them roller skate, and it was beautiful, and it looked like so much fun. So can we each have some roller skates, please?" St Peter: "Granted. You shall have your wish." Next day, St Peter is making the rounds inside the Gates, and sees the cat. "Well, Cat...Did you enjoy the satin pillow?" Cat: "Oh, indeed I did. And say...that "Meals on Wheels" thing was a nice touch, too!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast? He foamed at the mouth.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • The cemetery down the street seems like it's a pretty exclusive club. People are dying to get in...

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, flops his chop out and and places it on the counter. "What are you doing, Sir?", she asks. "This is a clock shop!!" He replied, "I know it is and I would like 2 hands and a face put on this!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Have you checked your German shepherd's eyes lately? Why? They've always been brown!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Q: What do you get if put a blonde upside down? A: A brunette with a bad breath.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • Mrs. Pennington was out walking her small Pekingese when she stopped to look down at an excavation where men were working. In one corner, a giant crane was stuck in a mudhole, and the men were trying to pull it out with the aid of a tractor. After a minute, Mrs. Pennington noticed the foreman standing next to her. "Lady, could we borrow your dog for a minute?" he asked. "What for?" "We'll hitch him up," said the man in charge, "and pull out that there crane." "What?" said the woman. "How can that little dog lift that great big crane? It's impossible!" "Oh, that's okay, lady," said the foreman. "We got whips."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard climbs down the tree, walks thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says, "Duuuuuuuuuude.......how much water did you drink?!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Two donkeys were talking about their owners. The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often." Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner? First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey! And, I am just waiting for that to happen.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" A: The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?" He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don"'t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? Look out for the mice!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Benson had been bitten by a dog, and the wound was taking a long time to heal. Finally he consulted a doctor, who took one look and ordered the dog brought in. The M.D. knew the dog had rabies. Since it was too late to give the patient a serum, the medico felt he had to prepare him for the worst. At that moment, Benson sat down at the doctor's desk and began to write. "Perhaps it won't be so bad," said the physician. "You needn't make out your will right now." "I'm not making out any will," said the man. "I'm just writing out a list of people I'm going to bite."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • New Yorker Cameron was visiting friends in Georgia. One day while out walking he came upon an old cracker dog, sitting in front of a cabin howling his head off. Cameron asked the animal's owner why he was howling. "He's lazy," said the native. "But," said Cameron, "is laziness painful?" "Nope," said the Southerner. "Then why does the dog howl?" "Wal," said the Georgian, "that blame fool dawg is settin' on a sandburr, an' he's too tarnation lazy to git off. So he jes' sets there an' howls 'cause it hurts."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A sign in a restaurant: WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN HERE! (you have to bring your own)

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A man walked into a psychiatrist's office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. The shrink frowned and said, "I see you need my help!" The guy said, "Yeah Doc. Got a match!?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!" Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!" The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • There were 11 people holding onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...Broiled Missionary: $25.00Fried Explorer: $35.00Baked Politician: $100.00.The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street? Five after one.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A great big sheep dog was sent to a kennel, where his owners hoped he might learn to stop jumping up on everybody who came into their home. At the kennel he got into a conversation with a tiny French poodle. "My name's Josette," said the little dog, "what's yours?""I'm not sure," said the sheep dog, "but I think it's Downboy."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • The henpecked husband finally had a breakdown and thought he was a dog. He ate dog food, slept at the foot of the bed, and barked at the mailman. His wife took him to the doctor, who sent him to the hospital. Two months later he seemed himself again. He ate regular food, watched television, talked to everyone, and seemed fine. The doctor decided to release him, and the man was ecstatic. "I know I'm better, Doctor," he said. "Just feel how cool my nose is."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing. The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst. The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off. The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just roll down the window!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • Q: What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows? A: A milk sheik!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!" The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth. "Aha, cavity! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist. "Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady. "In that case, I will have to adjust the chair first" replies the dentist.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" He replied "Sure!" Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one. He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • The family moved from the city to the suburbs and was told to get a watchdog to guard the premises at night. So they bought the largest dog they could find. Shortly afterwards, the house was broken into by burglars who had a good haul while the dog slept. The householder went to the kennel owner and told him about it. "Well," said the dealer, "what you need is a little dog to wake up the big dog."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • What did the dog tell his owner when he saw the dogcatcher coming? Nothing. Dogs don't talk.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Owner is a hard-to-reach person: Yes, I finally got an answering machine. (To Handel's Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please leave a message at the tone.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" A: The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do: take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you're gonna die."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did." "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did." "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Why can't a bike stand on its own ? Because it's two tired.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Tyfus applied for a job in a factory. The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?" "No," said the worker. "They've always been brown."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • What do you call kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • If you take your dog downtown, where should you leave him? In a barking lot.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Julie the blonde was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighbourhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy-woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, uh, how much do you want?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks OK?" Julie asked. "Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way, "said Julie, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Hotchkis wanted to sell his Doberman, so he asked the local pet shop owner to look at the animal. "This is a good dog," said Hotchkis. "It cost me $1,000, but I'll let you have it for only $50." "That's a rather big reduction," said the pet shop owner. "Is there something wrong with it?" "No," said the man. "The fact is it turned on my wife one day and killed her, and now I've got no further use for it"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Outraged wife: Couldn't you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this? Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • After being married ten years, Belding consulted a marriage counselor. "When I first married," he said, "I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop. My little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers. Now after all these years, everything's changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at meI" "Why are you complaining?" said the marriage counselor. "You're still getting the same service."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ..."HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Barrett, a New Yorker, went to the country for the first time to do some hunting. Ferris, a kennel owner, provided the dogs to accompany Barrett. The hunter left early the next morning but returned in an hour. "Why are you back so soon?" asked Ferris. "I'm after more dogs." "More dogs!" exclaimed the kennel owner. "Those were good dogs I gave you." "I know, but I've shot those dogs already."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?" "No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A man is driving his car along a lonely country road when suddenly grinds to a halt. The driver tries to restart it but to no avail. So he gets out and opens the bonnet and starts fiddling with the plugs. Suddenly he hears a voice. "The left hand carburettor is blocked, why don't you drain it and the muck should come out too". He turns round and can see no one, so he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing. "Drain the muck out of the left hand carburettor", says the voice again, and when he turns round all he can see is a black horse with its head over the hedge looking at him. Again the voice tells him what to do and he suddenly realises that the horse is giving him instructions. Too shocked to argue, he does as he is told, starts the car and sure enough it works. He drives down to the nearest pub and, rushing in like a madman, has a stiff drink. Then he says to the barman, "My car broke down up there and a horse told me how to repair it". The barman looks at him and says, "Was it a black one?" "Yes." "I thought so, the white one knows nothing about cars."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • What did the dog take when he was run down? The license number of the car that hit him.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

      More Pictures



      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown? A: "Does this taste funny to you?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • A young man goes to his date's house to pick her up. She is not ready yet, so he nervously sits down in the living room with the girl's father who he has met for the first time. The father settles back into a chair and reads the paper, the family dog is laying at the young man's feet. Suddenly a gas pain hits the young man. "Oh no, not in front of her father," he thinks. So he holds it in as long as possible, then finally lets it sneak out making a rather loud noise. The father peeks over the top of the paper and says, "Spot!" The young man thinks, "Great! He thinks its the dog!" Soon another pain strikes and he doesn't hesitate to let it rip. The father puts down the paper, scowls at the dog and says, "Spot!" And goes back to reading the paper. Smiling to himself the young man lets go with the biggest, noisiest one yet. Furious, the father throws down the paper and yells...... "Spot!!! For heaven sake, move before he poops on you!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes: "Why?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing'>Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said. "Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman. "Okay.", replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382". "Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?", queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • On a deserted island there were three women, a blond a brunette and a redhead. They needed to get back to the mainland and the only way was by swimming. The redhead goes first. She makes it a quarter of the way then drowns. The brunnette goes second. She makes it one third of the way then drowns. The blonde comes last. She makes it one half of the way, gets tired and then turns back.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday. How does he do it? The horses name is Friday.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • An elderly German sat before the fire and in a reflective moment spoke to his dog: "You iss only a dog, but I vish I vas you. Ven you go your bed in, you shust turn round dree times and lie down; ven I go de bed in, I haf to lock up de blace, and vind up de clock, and put out de cat, and undress myself, and my vife vakes up and scolds, and den de baby vakes and cries and I haf to valk him de house around, and den maybe I get myself to bed in time to get up again. "Ven you get up you shust stretch yourself, dig your neck a little, and you vas up. I haf to light de fire, put on de kiddle, scrap some vit my vif e, and get myself breakfast. You be lays round all day and haf blenty of fun. I haf to work all day and haf blenty of drubble. Ven you die, you vas dead; ven I die, I haf to go somewhere again."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • (Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paperbag.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A snobbish Park Avenue matron walked 'into a pet shop and ordered the proprietor to give her the finest dog he had in the store. He showed her several of his prize animals but she was dissatisfied. Finally, he picked up an adorable little pup and handed it to her. "Is he pedigreed?" "Pedigreed, indeed?" smirked the owner. "If this dog could talk, he wouldn't speak to either of us."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you? A pool table!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • A man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a puppy for my son.' 'Sorry sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do part exchange.'

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Walking down the street, a man passes a house and notices a little boy trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the little guy stretches, he can't make it. The man calls out, "Let me get that for you," and he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell." Thanks, mister," says the kid. "Now let's run!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Little Michael had been afraid of dogs all his life. He would go far out of his way to avoid even a sleeping puppy. One day out walking with his mother, he refused to walk past a big dog standing on the corner. "But you shouldn't be afraid," his mother scolded. "Well," he replied, "you'd be afraid, too, if you were as low down as I am."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying. This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out. In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!" "It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues. He said to them, "God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time." The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years. The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter. After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had 5 more minutes. The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said, "Cool, this time you hold down the pigeon and I'll crap on its head."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Talbot took his dog to the veterinarian and asked him to cut his tail off completely. "Why in the world would you want me to do that?" asked the vet. "Well," said the dog owner, "My mother-in-law is coming to visit us, and I don't want anything in the house to suggest that she is welcome."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Why was the frog down in the mouth? He was un hoppy!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Gendel took Bessie, his conversational canine, to a nightclub for an audition. The dog sang "Moon River," "You Made Me Love You," and "Melancholy Baby," without missing a word. "Well, how do you like Bessie?" asked Gendel. "She sings great," said the nightclub owner, "but I don't think she'll look good in an evening gown!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Two dogs were walking along the road. One dog stopped and said: "My name is Fido. What's yours? The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied: "I think it's Down Boy."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER! "NO," the blonde yelled back,"IT'S A SCARF!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Q: What did the woman say to her swimming instructor? A: "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • Why was the Berlin Wall torn down? It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • One August morning, farmer Hoskins started to town with horse and wagon. Half-way in, the horse stopped, turned his head, and said, "Sakes alive, but it's hot." The amazed farmer turned to his dog riding beside him and asked, "Did you hear what I heard?" "Yeah," said the dog, "but he's like every one else; always talking about the weather and never doing anything about it."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us." So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!" The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!" So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF." "It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW." "It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • I've decided to start my own herb garden. I've got a lot of extra Thyme.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her." The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..." The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"

      More Pictures



      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • If two lawyers were drowning and you could only save one of them would you read the paper or go to lunch?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • On day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said "Say your ABCs first" The boy started saying "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z" The teacher asked at the end "Where is your P?" The boy answered "Running down my pants!!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking John Dog
    • Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog horn!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • Teacher: "To which family does the elephant belong?" Pupil: "I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • The bartender looked up in surprise as the big shaggy dog sauntered into the bar. "I'll have a Scotch and water," said the dog. The bartender placed the drink in front of him and the dog downed it in one gulp. "That'll be $10," said the bartender, hoping to take advantage of the creature. The dog paid it and started to leave. "You know," said the bartender, "we don't see many dogs in this bar." "Yeah," scowled the dog, "and at $10 a drink you won't see any more, either."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned …

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • Two americans were walking through Leicester but couldn't agree on how to pronounce it so they decided to stop for lunch and ask the waitress. They sat down to eat their lunch and called the waitress over: "Can you tell us where we are please but say it slowly", to which the waitress replied "Bur-ger Ki-ng"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

      More Pictures



      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Why do dogs lie down? They can't lie up!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting. Then it brought me down.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • How is a cat laying down like a coin? Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here?" The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep." The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?" The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep." The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here. The great Dane responds: "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself." The poodle asks: "so she brought you here to put to sleep?" "Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • Two blondes came into a bar, sat down, and ordered drinks. They were making merry in a serious way and it was obvious to the bartender that they were celebrating something big. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he says " I hate to be nosy, but it's obvious that you two are celebrating something big. What's the occasion" One blonde replies "Well, we are just sooo proud of ourselves, because we just finished - just the two of us alone - a 50 piece jigsaw puzzle in only 3 days." Confused, the bartender says "So?", to which the other blonde says "Well, on the box it says 3 - 5 years"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She's got that down in the mouth look!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean.." she whispers, "..I would do ANYTHING!!" He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Yes,.. Anything!" She says. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News? They haven't shown a fox in months.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?" The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?" The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want." So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one." Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together." Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said."We can use it for all the false alarms!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Q: What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows? A: A milk sheik!

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Garber was driving along a country road when he saw a big sign - BEWARE OP THE DOG. Farther down the road was another sign - BEWARE OF THE DOG. Finally he arrived at the farmhouse and there was a Pekingese standing in front of the house. "Do you mean to say," asked Garber, "that little dog keeps strangers away?" "No," replied the farmer, "but the signs do."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Q: What creature has the best aptitude for engineering? A: The spider - it has its own website.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A Chihuahua on cation'>vacation with an elephant.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard
    • Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • Q: Do you know what an Australian kiss is? A: It's like a French kiss, but down under.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Race Extreme
    • There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hills and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi, I'm a zebra! What are you?" "I'm a cow." "Right, right. What do you do?" "I make milk for the farmer." "Cool." The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?" "I'm a chicken." "Oh, right. What do you do?" "I make eggs for the farmer." "Right, great, see ya round." Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, "Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?" "I am a Stallion," said the stallion. "Wow," said the zebra. "What do you do?" "Take off your pajamas, darling, and I'll show you."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yells, "Pullover!""No," she yelled back over the sound of the siren, "It's a scarf!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • A drunk was passing a bus intersection when a large St. Bernard brushed against him and knocked him down. An instant later a foreign sports car skidded around the corner and inflicted more damage. A bystander helped the poor fellow up and said, "Are you hurt?" "Well," he answered, "the dog didn't hurt so much, but that tin can tied to his tail nearly killed me."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Toilet Cat Paper Run
    • Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball
    • Why did the dog's owner think his dog was a great mathematician? When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • Q: What's the definition of macho? A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fart Soundboard 2
    • She was so blonde... She got stabbed in a shoot-out. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'. She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. She tried to drown a fish. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.' She tripped over a cordless phone. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.' She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store. If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. She studied for a blood test... and failed. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train. She sold the car for gas money

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • A blonde was walking down the street with her blouse wide open. The police goes over and tell her excuse me do you know your blouse is open. The blonde screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and the tuth fairy were walking down the street. There was a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Who picked it up? The dumb blonde, the other two dont exist.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • Why is a bear brown? Because he crawls in his hole during winter.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Face Changer
    • The rich Beverly Hills widow loved her poodle, Poopie, even more than her dead husband. Poopie had his own appendicitis operation, all his teeth capped, and a special wardrobe designed by Yves St. Laurent. One evening she sent for the new butler. "Did you ring, madam?" "Yes, Harrison, I wish you to take Poopie out walking for two hours." "But Poopie won't follow me, madam," he replied. "Then, Harrison, you must follow Poopie."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Car Destruction Shooter
    • Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Cat Leo
    • Morrissey, the ventriloquist, was on the way down to a bar for a drink when a big shaggy dog fell in at his side. They went in, the ventriloquist ordered a scotch, and for a laugh he looked at the dog and said, "Well, are you having the usual?" "No, thanks, I've had enough this morning," said the dog. The barman was flabbergasted. He offered $50 for the animal. "No, sir!" said Morrissey. "I've had him since he was a pup." 'Til make it $100!" said the bartender. Morrissey shook his head. When the offer went to $500 the ventriloquist grabbed the money and headed for the door. "All right," he added, "take good care of him." With a last look at the dog, "Farewell, old pal!" "Old pal, my foot!" said the dog, "after what you've just done I'll never speak to another human as long as I live."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Air Hockey
    • A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep. However, they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy. "Good," shouted the blood soaked bat, "because I didn't!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. He service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said " It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's just frost on my moustache."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Warp My Talking Face
    • It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Image Faker
    • One of King Arthur's lesser-known knights was a little man named Sir Punum. Sir Punum was a very poor knight and couldn't even afford a horse. He was forced to ride around on a rented Saint Bernard. One pitch-black night, Sir Punum was riding down a path through the woods when a storm started up. The knight turned his St. Bernard around and headed toward a lonely inn a little way off the road. When he got there he pounded on the door with his spear and asked for shelter. "Do you have a reservation?" asked the innkeeper. "No," replied the poor knight. "Sorry," said the innkeeper, "we're full up." Then he looked down and saw Sir Punum astride his mount. "Oh, well," he reconsidered, "come on in. We'll make room for you somehow. I wouldn't turn out a knight on a dog like this."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Talking Donald Donkey
    • Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Mini Golf Fun
    • My favorite quote: "Deep down, every human being just wants to be remembered." anonymous

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Super Hero Cat Run
    • A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment; chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?" The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Monster Truck Racing
    • Me: "Mom and Dad, I've decided to live on my own from now on." Parents: "Ok, cool." Me: "Your luggage is outside..."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Fun Photo Booth
    • A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Cat Run
    • Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Unblock Car
    • Keller paid a lot of money for Buck, a golden retriever. One morning Keller went duck hunting with Buck. Within ten minutes he shot a duck that fell into a pond. Buck ran over the surface of the water, picked up the duck, returned running over the top of the water, and laid it at the feet of his master. The rest of the morning every bird that fell into the pond when shot was retrieved by Buck running over the top of the water without even wetting his feet. Around noon time Keller met a fisherman. While they chatted a duck flew by and Keller quickly sent it hurtling down into the middle of the pond. Once again, Buck ran out over the top of the water, retrieved the duck, and brought it back. "I just bought this dog yesterday and he cost me a lot of dough," said Keller. "Well, they pulled a fast one on you," said the fisherman, "the dog can't even swim."

      More Pictures



      Watch funny jokes on Youtube

      Funny Products at Kauf.com
      Free fun games
      Try it out: Bob the funny Pinball